Take Note

Pindah Rumah

2011-04-25T18:52:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

New home :) Kalau sudi, anyone's welcomed. ^^

4/4/11

2011-04-04T21:25:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Happy Birthday Kanak2!

Nur Aisya Ahmad Fauzi

4th April 2003

---

Dapatkan Mesej Bergambar di Sini

Slmt Stdy! ^U^V
Rabbuna yusahhilu~

Syukur

2011-03-24T19:36:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Click!

Dudette, you know we're happy for you, kan?
Truly, we are. :')
Sgt2.

Jauh-jauh pun, our deepest congratulations and happiness is for no one but you, dudette!
:'*
Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Allah is Gracious; Truly Gracious.

Doakan ktorg pun kheir exams, aite?
Doakan Aen Along tenang and mudah faham time baca buku.
Doakan Aen tak panic/stress/depressed. :(
Doakan urusan ktorg dpermudahkan, dgn izinNya.

Congratulations again, :) <3
Love from Alex, Aen.

p/s: emosi, sila stabilkan diri. hati, sila tabah! semangat, tlg jgn kalah. Aen, sila berusaha. Make it or break it.

{65: 2-3}

"...Barang siapa yang bertakwa kepada Allah niscaya Dia akan mengadakan baginya jalan ke luar.

Dan memberinya rezeki dari arah yang tiada disangka-sangkanya. Dan barang siapa yang bertawakal kepada Allah niscaya Allah akan mencukupkan (keperluan) nya. Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan (yang dikehendaki) Nya. Sesungguhnya Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu."

Wordsworth's Cloud

2011-03-22T14:20:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

“Failure is an event, not a person. Yesterday ended last night.” –Muhammad Ali.

---

And when morning came, everything was alright again.

That’s why you need to find good friends, because they (almost) never let you down.

That’s why you need to BE a good friend, because then your acquaintances will never have reason to doubt you.

That’s why I like being friends with you :)

If you don’t show your friends how much you appreciate them by saying it or manifesting it in all that you do, your friend might not know it.

---

Homesickness isn’t really anything new. :)

"Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was."
— Jodi Picoult (Handle with Care)

---

Aen tak cari pon, honest. I didn’t type ‘Loneliness’ kat search engine. ( I typed ‘homesickness’ :P ) This article is a gem, pagi2 ni. Hehe. Sharing some parts of it! ;D

Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone., ~ Paul Tillich *It's all abt perspective, kn?* ;)

…And loneliness, in essence is a very relative concept. Sometimes, we're totally alone even when we're sitting in a group or talking to others. In fact, we all are alone and yet together. It is more of a question of emotional connectivity rather than physical presence, nevertheless, loneliness is definitely a very difficult feeling to handle, often making us feel helpless.

If handled with maturity and a sense of awareness, solitude can be the best friend for a person. And it's not surprising that some of the best literature works have been written, in complete solitude. For creative people, moments of solitude are the moments of supreme creativity. They can, without any disturbance, delve deep into the world of imagination. Just have a glimpse of what the Nature poet Wordsworth said, of his solitude in his wonderful poem, "I wandered lonely as a Cloud"....

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crow

A host, of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze

Continuous as the stars that shine...

For oft, when on my couch I lie

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye

Which is the bliss of solitude;

And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils.

If you’re emotionally disconnected (mcm Aen smlm) re-connect with those around you. :) Family terlalu jauh,ne?

Smoga Allah pmudahkan pjuangan di medan ilmu ini, Ameen! :)

Rabbuna yusahhil,

Aen@RmhBwh.

Ache.

2011-03-20T23:34:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

From : The Poetry of Imam Al-Shafi'ee

(Translated by Ammar AlShukry)

Manners of Learning

Be patient with the bitterness of an aloof teacher
For the embedding of knowledge is when he repels
And whoever never tastes the bitterness of learning
Swallows the humiliation of ignorance as long as he dwells

And whoever misses learning whilst young and in bloom
Then make takbir on him four times due to his demise
For that youth, by Allah! If not for knowledge and piety
There is no regard to of what else his character’s comprised

---

~~Rindu!~~ :'O

Shhh!

Siapa kata orang lain tak rindu ? Smua org pun rindu family. Mesti pnya. ;)

Lama2 okaylah.

Mcm biasa.

Rindu Cengal52.

Rindu Bfast, Lunch, Dinner dgn MakAyah.

Rindu Bacha bising2 tak duduk diam.

Rindu Alin and Tina gelak depan TV.

Rindu HunnyBunny yang manja-nyomelle2x.

Rindu Kak Nor yg rajin. :)

Korang! >~< <3

Love from Alex,

Aen@RmhBwh

---

Memories are like birds. Singgah kejap; pastu terbang. :)

p/s: It's a hard habit to break; writing without planning, based on feelings solely. Bila baca org tulis 'takut apa yg dicoret dlm blog ana ini membuatkan diri selangkah lebih dekat dgn neraka', tiba-tiba buat Aen soal diri balik; 'Kalau blog Aen macamana?' :(

If whatever I've posted here have been hurtful, misleading, wrong, hateful~ Truly, maaf sgt2 klu ad yg terbaca. My wrongs are mine alone, and for them, Aen mintak maaf sgt2.

If anyone stumbles upon this web-space, skip over mine to someplace else aite? TakeNote is primarily for my familia and myself; also, is an expression of whatever's buzzing around in my mind; most of them unfortunately unplanned.

Gomenn in advance.

-Aen.

Anugerah

2011-03-17T16:19:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Anugerah by Nahwan Nur

Jalan yang berliku

telah aku lalui

juga jalan berbilang simpang

telah aku redahi

aku rebah aku tersungkur

lalu bangkit berbekalkan azam

jua iman dari-Mu Tuhan

dalam meneruskan perjuangan

Anugerah dari-Mu Allah

kusalurkan menuju jalan-Mu

anugerah dari-Mu Allah

dalam mengetuk hati insani

Dari kamar sepi ini

kusenandung puisi lagu rindu

untuk-Mu Tuhan yang kuagungkan

demi kasih dan cinta ini

Tabah dalam menghadapi

segala cabaran dan rintangan

pasti nanti di suatu hari

perjuangan tersemat di hati

Terbinalah impian indah

yang tercipta dari anugerah

moga ia kan jadi nyata

sebagai pengukuh cinta kita

---

Anugerah mana yang kita salurkan utk menuju jalanNya?

Recount your blessings. Re-evaluate how you utilize them.

Have you made full use of them?

Utk AainFauzi yg selalu lupa.

Off for now, Aen@Cengal52.

Pictures

2011-03-16T11:36:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

A flood of pictures. Redang Island (12th - 14th March 2011)

Amik gambar ni sebab the bag says 'Doraemon the Future'. Don't ask 'wai?' Doraemon RmhBwh would be proud ada successor to the legacy. :P

Bacha bercita-cita tinggi utk jadi Octopus. :PPP :)

Bye2 Laguna~

Kuala Terengganu (Kropok Sira Kropok Sira!) :DDD

Ayah penat.

Smua org boloks. :) Jom balikkk!

Thank you Mak, Ayah.

No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?
Lee Iacocca

---

Japan, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

---

Malaysia should choose proper voices to speak. Not any Tom, Dick and Harry.
Words well-meant mcmana skali pun (siapa inhumane enough to mean otherwise kn?), klu cara sampaikan pendapat/simpati tak betul, can always strike a wrong note dgn the rest of the world.
Sbb tu women should leave the job to the men, yes?

Off for now,

Aen@Cengal52.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall...

2011-03-11T04:17:00.000+08:00

Self-esteem check: Too low, too high or just right?

By Mayo Clinic staff

Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about yourself with all of your successes, abilities, flaws and limits. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving others' respect. When you have low self-esteem, on the other hand, you put little value on your opinions and ideas, and you constantly worry that you aren't "good enough."

Although the benefits of building healthy self-esteem are often discussed for children, there are plenty of adults who need to work on their self-esteem. Learn how to tell if your self-esteem needs a boost — and the benefits of developing healthy self-esteem.

Factors that shape and influence self-esteem

Self-esteem starts forming early in life. Factors that can influence self-esteem include:

Other peoples' reactions to you
Your own thoughts and perceptions
School and extracurricular experiences
Work experiences
Illness, disability or injury
Culture
Religion
Role and status in society

Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important adults — are especially powerful. Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages you've received from these people over time. If your close relationships are good and you receive generally positive feedback, you're more likely to see yourself as worthwhile. However, if you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased or devalued by others, you're more likely to struggle with poor self-esteem.

But your own thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem — and they are one aspect of self-esteem that you can control. With techniques such as cognitive behavior training, you can learn to reframe negative thinking and self-talk and to correct misperceptions that lead you to focus on your weaknesses or flaws.

The ranges of self-esteem

Self-esteem ranges from very positive to very negative. Neither extreme is healthy. Although self-esteem fluctuates over time, depending on your circumstances, it generally stays in a range that reflects how you feel about yourself overall.

Overly high self-esteem. If you regard yourself more highly than others do, you may have an unrealistically positive view of yourself. When you have an inflated sense of self-esteem, you often feel superior to those around you. Such feelings can lead you to become arrogant or self-indulgent and believe that you deserve special privileges.

Low self-esteem. When you have low or negative self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults and give scant credit to your skills and assets. You believe that others are better than you.

Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies between these two extremes. It means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws. When you understand your own worth, you invite the respect of others.

Common characteristics of low self-esteem

It's normal to go through times when you feel down about yourself. Everyone has times when they feel insecure about their abilities, accomplishments or appearance. However, when you feel bad about yourself in many areas of your life — and these feelings become long-standing — your self-esteem can suffer. Low self-esteem affects not only the way you feel but also the way you behave and interact with others.

How do you know if you think too little of yourself? You may have some of these characteristics of low self-esteem:

Frequent negative self-talk, such as, "I'm a failure," or "I'll never amount to anything."
Preoccupation with your flaws and weaknesses.
Need for constant reassurance from others, which doesn't relieve your insecurity.
Inability to accept compliments or positive feedback.
Fear of failure, which holds you back from succeeding at work or school.
Difficulty handling stressful situations.

Benefits of healthy self-esteem

When you value yourself and have good self-esteem, you feel secure and worthwhile and have generally positive relationships with others. You feel confident about your abilities and tend to do well at school or work. You're also open to learning and feedback, which can help you acquire and master new skills.

With healthy self-esteem you are:

Less prone to feelings such as hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt and shame.
Assertive in expressing your needs and opinions.
Confident in your ability to make decisions.
Able to form secure and honest relationships — and less likely to stay in unhealthy ones.
Realistic in your expectations and less likely to be overcritical of yourself and others.
More resilient and able to weather stress and setbacks.
Less likely to develop mental health conditions, such as eating disorders, addictions, depression and anxiety.

Because self-esteem affects every facet of your life, having a healthy, realistic view of yourself is important. Remember, it's not about blowing your own horn. It's about learning to like and respect yourself, faults and all.

---

Kabul, Afghanistan

(credit to awesomeawesomeawesome stevemccurry.wordpress.com )

Need a self-esteem boost? 5 steps away.. *Click!*

Nama

2011-03-03T17:38:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

List nama dah keluar, Alhamdulillah.
Tiba-tiba, the reality of this whole affair being a form of 'brief escape' just dawned on me. :)

Lepas ni exams, and a couple of things, yg no doubt still have to be settled.
Smile, Aen. S-mmm-ii-lll-eee :)

Always, the worst part of summer is having to say goodbye when it ends. Macam this time, lah.
But that doesn't mean that whatever happened best2 during cuti tu should be forgotten disebabkan 'perasaan tak best' bila kena balik sana.

Betul tak? :)
Don't forget to say Alhamdulillah for everything, Aen.

Familia; I'm still here, but already missing korg.

Remember, Aen:

{Family}

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot

The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. ~Lee Iacocca

Filter

2011-02-28T04:45:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

"Eh, kenapa panjat kerusi?"

I looked up from my notes. Ayah tengah ckp dgn Acha.

"Acha nak amik buku~!"

"Taktau ke boleh jatuh? Dulu dah pernah jatuh, kan?!"

"Tapi...tapi, Acha tak sampai!"

"Turun! Cepat, turun!"

"Huuuuuuuuuuu~~~~~~~~~~~~~~" :'O

It took a long time to talk her out of crying, sobbing, venting.
As usual, by making weird faces and meng-kartun-kn diri, 3 smiles dapat, tadi. So Aen tau that things was going to be alright.

Bacha went straight to bed, lepas tu.

---

"Ayah kan memang macam tu, Bacha...Bacha kenalah faham,"

*sedu*"Everyone can change!" *sniff*sniff*

I had to stifle a laugh, trying hard to keep a straight face.
Maybe she noticed.

"Yelah!" >:'O

*sniff*sniff*huuuuuu~

"..Betul apa! Kawan Acha tu, dia dulu..dia tomBoi~ pastu Mak dia cakap Mak dia tak suka dia beli mainan boi, pastu dia tak main lamaa sgt, pastu sekarang dia dah GirLie ~ <3 dah"

It was a reasoning session, between me and Bacha lepas dia nangis tu. Persoalan macam 'kenapa Ayah selalu marah Acha?', 'Apa salah Acha' 'Nak Acha buat apa lagi', etc.

The nature of the conversation led to the statement kat atas tu.
Earth-shattering issues for an eight-year-old kid yang baru lepas kena marah.
:))

---

A few days yang mengecewakan untuk diri sendiri, dengan semalam being the pinnacle of it all, kot. Aen berdiri depan swimming pool, ke-emo-an at 6.45pm-ish, the clouds turning a deeper shade of blue above me; thinking of doing something crazy like jump into it without a moment's thought. Then, my feet skirting at the edges, I hesitated. *ceh, ayat! bajet mcm 'suicide' lah konon -__-" *

I thought: If I were to look at myself doing that very act, I'd think I was bonkers.

So I went back inside, carrying the towel and folding it. Bukak pintu bilik MakAyah, letak towel balik, tutup.

---

Everyone can change, Bacha cakap.
Her older sister ni, can really take a leaf out of Bacha's book of life.

Az-Zumar:

[5-8]
Ia menciptakan langit dan bumi dengan ada faedah dan gunanya yang sebenar; Ia pula menjadikan malam melingkari siang (dengan gelapnya), dan menjadikan siang melingkari malam (dengan cahayanya); dan Ia menjadikan matahari dan bulan beredar menurut perintahnya, – tiap-tiap satu dari keduanya, beredar untuk suatu masa yang telah ditetapkan. Ingatlah! Dia lah Yang Maha Kuasa, lagi Yang sentiasa Mengampuni.

Ia menciptakan kamu dari diri yang satu (Adam), kemudian Ia menjadikan daripadanya – isterinya (Hawa); dan Ia mengadakan untuk kamu binatang-binatang ternak delapan ekor: (empat) pasangan (jantan dan betina). Ia menciptakan kamu dalam kandungan ibu kamu (berperingkat-peringkat) dari satu kejadian ke satu kejadian. Dalam tiga suasana yang gelap-gelita. Yang demikian (kekuasaanNya) ialah Allah Tuhan kamu; bagiNyalah kekuasaan yang mutlak; tiada Tuhan melainkan Dia; oleh itu bagaimana kamu dapat dipesongkan (dari mematuhi perintahNya)?

Kalaulah kamu kufur ingkar (tidak bersyukur) akan nikmat-nikmatNya itu, maka ketahuilah bahawa sesungguhnya Allah tidak berhajatkan (iman dan kesyukuran) kamu (untuk kesempurnaanNya); dan Ia tidak redakan hamba-hambaNya berkeadaan kufur; dan jika kamu bersyukur, Ia meredainya menjadi sifat dan amalan kamu. Dan (ingatlah) seseorang yang memikul tidak akan memikul dosa perbuatan orang lain (bahkan dosa usahanya sahaja). Kemudian kepada Tuhan kamulah tempat kembalinya kamu, maka Ia akan memberitahu kepada kamu tentang apa yang kamu telah kerjakan. Sesungguhnya Ia Maha Mengetahui akan segala (isi hati) yang terkandung di dalam dada.

Dan apabila manusia disentuh oleh sesuatu bahaya, ia segera berdoa kepada Tuhannya dengan keadaan rujuk kembali bertaubat kepadaNya; kemudian apabila Allah memberikannya sesuatu nikmat (sebagai kurnia) daripadaNya, lupalah ia akan segala bahaya yang menyebabkannya merayu kepada Allah sebelum itu dan ia pula menjadikan sekutu-sekutu bagi Allah, untuk menyesatkan dirinya (dan orang lain) dari jalan Allah. Katakanlah (kepadanya): “Bersenang-senanglah engkau dengan kekufuranmu itu bagi sementara, sesungguhnya engkau dari penduduk neraka.

When you can't accept what you've let yourself done, it's hard to think that you can turn back and start over. It's hard to understand that you can have another chance and not screw it up again like you did before. Knowing, mind you; doesn't mean understanding. Knowing doesn't put your heart at rest. Knowing doesn't lift guilt off your shoulders.

But understanding gives you that. Accepting gives you that. Believing gives you that.

[53-63]
Katakanlah (wahai Muhammad): “Wahai hamba-hambaKu yang telah melampaui batas terhadap diri mereka sendiri (dengan perbuatan-perbuatan maksiat), janganlah kamu berputus asa dari rahmat Allah, kerana sesungguhnya Allah mengampunkan segala dosa; sesungguhnya Dia lah jua Yang Maha Pengampun, lagi Maha Mengasihani.

“Dan kembalilah kamu kepada Tuhan kamu dengan bertaubat, serta berserah bulat-bulat kepadaNya, sebelum kamu didatangi azab; kerana sesudah itu kamu tidak akan diberikan pertolongan.

“Dan turutlah – Al-Quran – sebaik-baik. (panduan hidup) yang diturunkan kepada kamu dari Tuhan kamu, sebelum kamu didatangi azab secara mengejut, sedang kamu tidak menyedarinya.

“(Diperintahkan demikian) supaya jangan seseorang (menyesal dengan) berkata: ` sungguh besar sesal dan kecewaku kerana aku telah mencuaikan kewajipan-kewajipanku terhadap Allah serta aku telah menjadi dari orang-orang yang sungguh memperolok-olokkan (ugama Allah dan penganut-penganutnya)! -

“Atau berkata: ` Kalaulah Allah memberi hidayah petunjuk kepadaku, tentulah aku telah menjadi dari orang-orang yang bertaqwa ! ‘ -

“Atau berkata semasa ia melihat azab: ` Kalaulah aku dapat kembali ke dunia, nescaya menjadilah aku dari orang-orang yang mengerjakan kebaikan!”

(Kata-kata yang tersebut ditolak oleh Allah dengan firmanNya): “Bahkan telahpun datang kepadamu ayat-ayat petunjukKu (melalui RasulKu), maka engkau telah mendustakannya serta engkau berlaku sombong angkuh mengenainya, dan engkau telah menjadikan dirimu dari orang-orang yang kufur ingkar!”

Dan pada hari kiamat, engkau akan melihat orang-orang yang berdusta terhadap Allah (dan yang menyatakan kesedihan itu) – muka mereka hitam legam; bukankah (telah diketahui bahawa) dalam neraka Jahannam disediakan tempat tinggal bagi orang-orang yang sombong takbur?

Dan (sebaliknya) Allah akan menyelamatkan orang-orang yang bertaqwa (yang menjauhkan diri dari perbuatan syirik dan maksiat) dengan mereka mendapat kemenangan besar (keredaan Allah) mereka tidak akan disentuh sesuatu yang buruk, dan tidak akan berdukacita.

Allah Yang Menciptakan tiap-tiap sesuatu, dan Dia lah Yang Mentadbirkan serta menguasai segala-galanya.

Dia sahajalah yang menguasai urusan dan perbendaharaan langit dan bumi; (orang-orang yang percayakan yang demikian beruntunglah) dan orang-orang yang kufur ingkar akan ayat-ayat keterangan Allah yang jelas nyata itu, mereka itulah orang-orang yang paling rugi.

---

Benda berat untuk handle in one post, sgt susah sebab even as I'm typing this down, I don't think I'm looking at the problem in the eye lagi. Avoiding, sgt2 tempting. Yelah, you're free to go about your daily affairs mcm biasa, takyah nak pening2 fikir.

Tapi 'mcm biasa' tu maksudnya apa?
Boleh study? Boleh cover lagi banyak topics, tak bazir masa fikir?

There's an elephant in the room, Aen.
Kenapa tengok kat semut?

---

Hati tu filter.
Kalau filter faulty macamana?

Ten diseases of the heart.

The price you pay..

2011-02-26T05:07:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

If you and me were put together, side by side,
people would see:

'Polar opposites'.

You are white, untainted, pure.
I am black, dirty, spoiled;

useless.

---

From 'A Poet’s Advice' by E.E.Cummings

A lot of people think or believe or know they feel -but that’s thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is feeling -not knowing or believing or thinking.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.

---

To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. -Donald Laird

It is in human nature to relax, when not compelled by personal advantage or disadvantage. -Johann von Goethe

Two purposes in human nature rule. Self-love to urge, and reason to restrain. -Alexander Pope

---

Now is the time to get serious about living your ideals. Once you have determined the spiritual principles you wish to exemplify, abide by these rules as if they were laws, as if it were indeed sinful to compromise them.

Don’t mind if others don’t share your convictions. How long can you afford to put off who you really want to be? Your nobler self cannot wait any longer.

Put your principles into practice-now. Stop the excuses and the procrastination. This is your life! You aren’t a child anymore. The sooner you set yourself to your spiritual program, the happier you will be. The longer you wait, the more you will be vulnerable to mediocrity and feel filled with shame and regret, because you know you are capable of better.

From this instant on, vow to stop disappointing yourself. Separate yourself from the mob. Decide to be extraordinary and do what you need to do now.

-Epictetus

---

You make the world a better place by making yourself a better person. -Scott Sorrell

---

... ?

Cerita Adik

2011-02-25T12:14:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Adik bangun pagi. Adik kesat mata. Walid yang kejut adik. Adik mengantuk sangat. Adik tarik gebar semula. Tidur balik. Walid geleng kepala bila nampak adik tidur balik. Walid tepuk belakang adik suruh adik mandi. Lepas mandi adik pakai baju baru. Ummi kata hari ini Hari Raya Aidilfitri. Semua orang pakai baju baru. Tapi adik tengok ummi
pakai baju buruk,walid pun pakai baju buruk. Ummi cuma senyum bila adik mengajukan soalan itu. Ummi kata cukuplah adik seorang pakai baju baru.

Walid pimpin tangan adik pergi masjid. Kami jalan kaki melalui denai-denai kecil. Sepanjang jalan adik dengar takbir raya. Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar, La ilaha illallah huallahu akbar, Allahu Akbar wallilla hilham.. Adik khusyuk dengar. Merdu. Adik angkat tangan ke telinga, lagak seperti bilal masjid sambil menjerit takbir raya. Walid cuma ketawa kecil melihat gelagat adik.

Di persimpangan jalan, kami bertemu Pak Cik Nassier jiran adik. Adik pandang walid. Walid ralit berbual dengan Pak Cik Nassier. Adik dengar walid berbual tentang syahid, Yassier Arafat dan lain-lain lagi. Nama negara adik pun walid sebut, Palestin. Tapi adik tidak faham. Adik cuma mendengar.

Adik tiba di perkarangan masjid. Masjid itu besar, tersergam indah. Masjid kebanggaan negara adik, Masjidil Aqsa.Walid pernah beritahu adik, Masjidil Aqsa kiblat pertama sebelum Kaabah di Mekah. Masjidil Aqsa juga adalah salah satu tempat suci dalam Islam. Nabi Muhammad pun mengalami peristiwa Israk dan Mikraj di masjid ini.

Adik buka kasut dan masuk ke perut masjid. Adik lihat ramai orang. Semuanya duduk dalam saf. Walid tarik adik duduk di penjuru masjid,kemudian walid solat tahiyatul masjid.Adik ikut walid solat raya. Adik berdiri betul-betul dekat dengan walid. Adik pandang walid. Bila walid angkat tahbiratul ihram adik pun angkat. Mulut walid kumat
kamit membaca sesuatu. Adik pun ikut sama walaupun adik tak tahu apa yang adik baca. Walid rukuk,adik rukuk. Walid sujud,adik sujud.

Adik membilang anak tangga selepas selesai solat raya dan bersalam-salaman dengan jemaah yang lain. Walid ada di belakang adik. Suasana ketika itu tenang dan damai. Adik suka ketenangan. Adik tarik nafas, hirup dalam-dalam udara pagi.

Tiba-tiba ketenangan itu diragut. Adik nampak ramai orang bertempiaran lari. Adik juga nampak sekumpulan askar yang memegang senjata sedang mara menuju ke arah masjid. Adik dengar bunyi kuat. Bunyi tembakan. Walid dukung adik erat sambil melaungkan takbir Allahu Akbar. Adik takut. Adik pejam mata.
Kaki walid yang kuat berlari tiba-tiba terhenti. Pautan tangan walid longgar dan akhirnya terlerai. Adik rasa seperti sekujur tubuh tumbang dan menghenyak adik. Adik pandang belakang. Mata adik terbeliak. Adik nampak tubuh walid. Kepala walid berdarah. Adik menjerit nama walid. Manik-manik jernih bergentayangan dan gugur satu persatu dari tubir kelopak mata adik.

Walid pandang adik. Walid cium pipi adik. Walid suruh adik lari. Adik geleng kepala. Adik pegang tangan walid. Adik hendak duduk di sisi walid. Walid senyum pada adik. Mulut walid lemah menutur kalimah syahadah. Adik goyang tubuh walid. Walid tidak bergerak. Walid kaku. "Waliiiiiiiiiiiiiii i iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii d!!!!!!!"

Adik kesat air mata. Adik lari kuat-kuat. Adik lari tidak kalih kiri dan kanan. Sampai di rumah, adik terus menangis. Ummi hairan tengok adik. Adik sebut nama walid berkali-kali. Mayat walid di hantar ke rumah tidak lama selepas itu. Adik masih menangis. Adik tengok ummi cium dahi walid. Ummi peluk adik. Beberapa orang jiran cuba tenangkan ummi. Abang yang duduk di penjuru dinding juga menangis. Abang dah besar. Umur abang enam belas tahun. Abang pergi dekat walid,abang peluk dan cium walid.

Selepas sembahyang adik nampak orang angkat walid keluar rumah. Abang pun ikut sama. Adik tidak ikut. Adik duduk rumah dengan ummi.Adik tanya ummi, mana perginya walid. Diam. Adik tanya lagi sambil menongkat dagu menunggu jawapan daripada mulut ummi. Ummi pandang adik, ummi kata walid pergi ke satu tempat yang sangat cantik. Walid pergi tidak akan kembali lagi. Adik cuma mengangguk." Adik nak ikut walid" Ummi geleng kepala dan peluk adik. Adik lap air mata di pipi ummi. Adik senyum, ummi senyum.

Petang itu ramai kawan abang datang. Abang ajak mereka ke belakang rumah. Adik berlari-lari anak ikut abang ke belakang. Abang tekun membuat sesuatu. Sesuatu yang menyerupai senapang. Adik cuma duduk diam dan tengok. Kawan-kawan abang pun khusyuk membuat kerja. Adik menguap berkali-kali. Boring duduk diam tanpa melakukan sebarang kerja. Tidak keletah adik dibuatnya.

Mata adik melilau-lilau mencari barang mainan. Adik nampak benda bulat seperti bola. Adik pergi dekat cuba mencapai benda itu. Adik pegang dan belek. Sedang adik seronok bermain, abang rampas ‘bola’ adik. Adik masam. Adik tarik muncung empat belas. Adik marah pada abang. Abang tersenyum melihat tingkah laku adik. Dengan lembut abang mencubit pipi montel adik. Abang beritahu adik yang benda itu bom tangan bukannya
bola seperti yang disangka adik. Adik diam, kemudian berlari mendapatkan ummi. Merajuk.

Adik bangun awal pagi itu. Tidak seperti hari-hari lain, walid tidak ada untuk kejut adik. Apabila teringat walid,mata adik berkaca. Adik tidak mahu menangis. Adik orang lelaki. Orang lelaki tidak boleh menanggis, orang lelaki kena kuat dan tabah.

Adik nampak abang sedang bersiap-siap. Abang galas beg besar. Semua benda yang abang buat semalam abang bawa. Benda bulat seperti bola pun abang bawa. Kawan-kawan abang semuanya sedang menungu di depan rumah. Abang cium tangan ummi, minta izin untuk pergi. Ummi peluk abang,cium abang berkali-kali.

Adik cuma memandang dengan mata terkebil-kebil. Adik garu kepala yang tidak gatal. Abang datang dekat adik. Abang dukung adik,usap kepala adik. "Adik jaga ummi ya" pesan abang. "Abang nak pergi mana" tanya adik seperti orang bodoh. "Abang nak pergi berjuang". Abang mengukir senyuman mengakhiri bicara.Kelibat abang hilang ditelan kabus pagi.Hanya lambaian tangan adik mengiringi pemergian abang.

Lepas abang pergi ummi cerita macam-macamperkara pada adik. Pasal Israel, pasal syurga, pasal jihad dan banyak lagi. Semuanya adik tidak faham. "Isra..Israfil. " terkial-kial adik menyebut perkataan itu dalam pelat yang pekat. "Bukan Israfil. Israfilkan nama malaikat. Malaikat yang tiup sangka kala. Israel." Ummi membetulkan sebutan adik. "Is.ra.el" akhirnya adik berjaya menyebutnya juga. Ummi ketawa kecil. Adik ikut ketawa menampakkan sebaris gigi adik yang ronggak.

Ummi kata Israel jahat. Israel musuh umat Islam. Israel juga musuh Allah. Israel yang mencetuskan peperangan di bumi Palestin. Israel yang bunuh walid. Adik benci Israel. Adik benci sesiapa yang menjadi musuh Allah.

Adik lari keluar rumah. Adik pergi ke jalan besar. Ramai kanak-kanak sebaya adik di situ. Mereka semua baling batu kepada sekumpulan tentera yang bersenjata di seberang jalan. Adik ingat lagi, tentera itulah yang bunuh walid. Merekalah Israel. Adik marah. Adik geram. Adik capai batu, adik baling kuat-kuat. Adik pejam mata. Terbayang di kepala adik peristiwa yang menimpa walid.

Adik sertai kawan-kawan adik yang lain; membaling batu. Kadang-kadang kami lari apabila tentera itu menyerang balas. Ada juga kawan-kawan adik kena tembak. Tumbang satu persatu. Adik nampak baju mereka merah berlumuran darah. Adik lari menyorok di sebalik bangunan usang untuk menyelamatkan diri. Adik lari bersama seorang kawan adik. Namanya Jamal. Dia juga sama dengan adik. Walidnya juga pergi ke suatu tempat yang sangat cantik dan tidak akan kembali lagi.

Apabila keadaan semakin reda, adik pulang ke rumah. Adik berjanji dengan Jamal untuk melontarkan batu lagi pada keesokkan harinya.

Sesampai di rumah adik berasa sangat lapar. Adik cari roti di dapur. Adik buka almari, adik cari dalam almari tapi tidak jumpa. Perut adik mula berbunyi minta diisi. Adik sudah makan roti petang tadi tapi adik masih berasa lapar lagi. Adik nampak ummi pegang roti. Itu sajalah satu-satunya roti yang tinggal di rumah kami. Ummi tidak makan apa-apa lagi sejak pagi tadi. Adik pergi dekat ummi. Ummi yang baru menyuapkan roti ke mulutnya tersentak. Ummi keluarkan semula roti dari mulutnya dan suapkan ke mulut adik. Adik kunyah dengan gelojoh.

"Ummi, Kenapa kita hidup susah?" adik tanya pada ummi dengan mulut dipenuhi roti. Ummi pangku adik di ribanya. Ummi mengelus lembut rambut adik. "Kita kena sabar sebab sabar itu cantik" ujar ummi perlahan. "Cantik macam syurga ke ummi?" adik tanya lagi. Ummi senyum. "Nabi Muhammad pun hidup susah juga. Baginda dilontar batu ketika menyebarkan dakwah di Taif. Malahan kaum Quraisy ramai yang ingin bunuh nabi. Nabi sabar,nabi tak cepat putus asa" sambung ummi lagi.

Adik dengar dengan khusyuk. Adik nak jadi baik macam Nabi Muhammad. Nama adik pun Muhammad. Walid yang cadangkan nama itu. Walid hendak adik tabah dan cekal macam Nabi Muhammad.

Malam itu adik duduk bersila depan ummi sambil tangan memegang Al-Quran. Adik ikat serban sendiri. Adik lilit serban ikut suka hati adik. Sekejap adik lilit ke kiri, sekejap ke kanan. Kadang-kadang serban itu tutup mata adik. Adik kuak sedikit kain serban ke atas ketika hendak membaca Al-Quran. "Bismillahirrahmani r rahim.." Adik baca Al-Quran dengan bersungguh-sungguh. Adik baca kitab Allah itu dengan tekun. Ummi duduk depan adik sambil memerhati bacaan adik.

Adik hendak jadi macam abang. Umur enam tahun sudah khatam Al-Quran. Adik baru umur tiga tahun. Adik kena baca Quran dengan rajin kalau hendak khatam Al-Quran cepat macam abang. Adik ingat pesanan ummi. Ummi kata Al-Quranlah satu-satunya
harta yang paling berharga. Adik ingin baca Al-Quran hari-hari. Adik tidak mahu ponteng baca Al-Quran.

Bacaan adik terhenti apabila pintu diketuk dan nama ummi dilaung-laungkan dari luar. "Syukur ya Huda, anakmu Yassin mati syahid"muncul Mak Cik Fatima di depan rumah. "Anakmu,anakmu adalah salah seorang pengebom berani mati ya Huda. Tindakannya menyebabkan tujuh orang askar Israel laknatullah terbunuh. Yassin dan tiga orang lagi pejuang Hizbullah mati syahid. Semoga syurga menanti mereka kelak" terang Mak Cik Fatima panjang lebar.

Ummi panjatkan doa pada Allah semoga roh abang ditempatkan dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman. Adik kaget. Nama Israfil.Bukan. .Israel disebut lagi. Adik benci mendengar nama itu. Kemarahan adik meluap-luap. Ummi beritahu adik abang telah pergi ikut walid. Ummi kata ummi bangga mempunyai anak seperti abang.

Adik masuk tidur awal. Adik mimpi satu tempat yang sangat cantik. Adik nampak walid dan abang di sana. Walid dan abang senyum pada adik. Adik cuba kejar mereka tapi semakin adik kejar semakin mereka menghilang.

Keesokkan harinya, adik tunggu Jamal di tepi jalan seperti yang dijanjikan.Lima minit berlalu Jamal tidak muncul-muncul juga. Hampir setengah jam adik tunggu tapi Jamal tetap tidak muncul. Adik tidak suka orang yang mungkir pada janji. Adik ingat lagi, salah satu ciri orang munafik ialah mungkir apabila berjanji. Adik tidak mahu jadi
munafik. Adik tanya kawan-kawan adik yang lain. Rupa-rupanya Jamal juga seperti walid dan abang. Jamal pergi ke satu tempat yang cantik. Tempat yang adik tidak tahu di mana letaknya. Semua orang yang adik sayang pergi ke tempat itu. Mula-mula walid, kemudian abang dan akhirnya Jamal.

Adik pulang ke rumah awal. Adik terkejut. Terkesima sebentar. Rumah adik dikepung askar Israel. Mereka memang sedang mencari keluarga adik ekoran tindakan berani mati abang mengebom kubu Israel. Tubuh adik yang kecil memudahkan adik menyusup masuk ke dalam rumah.

Adik nampak ummi terpelosok di satu sudut. Adik lihat dengan mata adik sendiri, tentera itu tendang ummi. Mereka sepak dan terajang ummi. Tapi ummi masih bersabar. Ummi tidak putus-putus menyebut satu kalimah keramat..Ahad. .Ahad.

Mata adik merah. Adik menahan marah. Adik tidak suka orang pukul ummi. Adik sayang ummi. Adik benci Israel. Seorang tentera Israel mengacukan pistol ke arah ummi. Ummi dengan tenang menghadapinya. Tiada pun segaris garisan gusar terpancar diwajah ummi. Ketika peluru dilepaskan, tiba-tiba… ..

"Muhammad!!! ! !!!" Ummi menjerit sambil memegang tubuh adik. Badan adik berlumuran darah. Pekat dan merah. Adik raba perut adik. Adik rasa sakit. Sakit yang mencucuk-cucuk. Seketika tadi adik telah korbankan tubuhnya untuk melindungi ummi. Natijahnya peluru itu merobek perut adik yang tidak berdosa. Ummi peluk adik. Ummi menangis
semahu-mahunya. Adik cuba senyum pada ummi walaupun perit. "Ummi.adik rasa mengantuk, adik nak tidur. Adik nak jadi mujahid,adik nak ikut walid dan abang" terketar-ketar suara adik kedengaran di cuping telinga ummi. Ummi angguk, berusaha sedaya upaya untuk menahan air mata daripada jatuh bercucuran.

Adik pejam mata. Adik nampak walid, abang dan Jamal melambai-lambai ke arah adik.

**Copy-pasted from an FB note by Roslina Sahidin

External stimuli

2011-02-23T21:58:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Sometimes, susah untuk be honest with ourselves. It's hard sbb takut2 over-partial towards a particular feeling, that you accuse yourself of being overly emo. Either that, or you blunt your feelings too much, that you ignore what you feel or think, and glaze over the important details macam veneer over wood. In the hopes that konon2, just because the crack is covered, that it's mended. Padahal, it's still there, kn?

:)

I'm fine, alhamdulillah. Cengal52 pon fine, syukrulillah ;)

Cuma selalu sgt lupa utk buat an honest reflection of myself.

To address a problem, you have to have a clear view of the roots from which they've sprung, kan?

Tengok, Aen.
Te-ngok.

---

Kadang2 rasa malas, kena selaluuuu ingat:

Kejayaan dlm exams bukan utk kita je. Utk Mak, Ayah.
Also, adik2 yg memerhatikan.
Qudwah hasanah; kena aim tu selalu.

:)

External stimuli kadang2 tolong set balik drive utk belajar.
Pelengkap internal drive.

Ganbatte, minna!
Rabbuna yusahhil..

---

Kalau lupa, ingat balik~ (utk Aen, especially)

** Hontoni, tengok, jgn tak tgk! ;) Tak rugi.

Prepare

2011-02-21T02:16:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Read sth helpful today. Watched sth beneficial today. Alhamdulillah ;)

Hontoni, arigatou! to the blog writers.
I wish them well, and smoga mendpt ganjaran yg lebih baik in the hereafter, iA~ ;)

Embedding it here, so that others can watch it too.

Best kan?

---

21 Feb meeting org2 besar Msia dgn org2 besar Egypt, as told by the press and officials.

The calm surface of the pond is calm no more.
Ripples break across it's face; an indication that something stirs, below.
Hayaku, hayaku! >o<

Suspense!
Aen nak tau jalan cerita kita seterusnya macamana~ Bila kena balik Alex?

---

Useful links:

1) Trusting Allah. Click!
2) "Biasalah tu, weyh." =__= Click!
3) Sebab rasanya semua org either one of two things: Lelaki atau Perempuan. ;P haha~ Click!

---

Prepare for: (1)

"Behold and see as you pass by. As you are now so once was I. As I am now so you must be. Perpare for death and follow me."

(A tombstone inscription from a cemetery in New-York)

---

Prepare for: (2)

Rabbuna yusahhil~ ;)

Mak cakap..

2011-02-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Anything should be better than nothing, kan?
Not her exact words, but the gist of it, lah.

:)

---

Really, when you've forgotten the reason for your actions, you stop doing them, or slow down in the process of getting it done.

That's just my opinion...I guess that's why a friend pointed out to me once: 'What's the significance?' is one of my favourite questions.

What's your reason for studying?

The weight of the answer to that question should be equal to your efforts put in when studying.

But you have to be honest, lah.
Bear in mind that idealists AREN'T necessarily honest ppl okai? *gaya Dr Saed*

You know yourself, Aen. :'O *gasp*
Answer truthfully.

---

Breathe in, breathe out.

Hee-hoo. Hee-hoo. Hee-hoo.

Whatever's going to happen is going to happen anyway.
I'm going to cut me loose these strings yg buat Aen rasa mcm kat awang2an; tergantung; konon2.

Yeah! Sambung jom~ ;)

---

Today's quote of the day, courtesy of Cengal52 and it's inhabitants:

"Wahh! Angah lagi 2 tahun dah boleh start kerja~!" :DDD

Perlu bersedia utk realiti itu, satu hari nanti, Aen.

Future Cengal52 Breadwinner (iA), yeah! Girl power, R-OOoOOARR! Go Aen Go!

Off, Aen@Cengal52.

Sandwich Tilam

2011-02-14T03:14:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

14th February means 2 weeks dh masuk February.

Aen ingt lg.. tym kecik dulu2, kalau malas nak ikut jalan2, mesti menyorok in between the 2 mattresses yg ada in the lower bunk of katil double-decker bilik tidur ktorg. Pernah sekali tu, semua org cari, tapi sebab Aen taknak ikut jugak (degil ;P ) Aen duduk diam2 kat tempat sorok Aen tu. Diorang (siblings) tak jumpa! XD Aen sanggup, jadi sandwich for a few hours (sampai tertido, kot. Nasib baik tak suffocate! #___# ) semata-mata taknak ikut kluar jalan2. :DD haha!

Tiba-tiba terfikir, kn: Kalaulah I could do the same right now...hide; so that tak payah balik Alex and amik exams :)) hahaha~ immature, I know :P

:)

It's inevitable, tahu.
Sbb tu in the meantime, kena keep reminding myself to stick to my own advice.

Rabbuna yusahhil, smua.

Over and out till further notice,
Aen@Cengal52.

---

(Balasan Percakapan Tanpa Amalan)

Drp Abu Zaid Usamah bin Zaid bin Harithah r.a katanya:

"Aku mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda: seorang lelaki diheret pd Hari Kiamat lalu dicampakkan ke dalam neraka, tali perutnya terkeluar dan berpusing-pusing seperti keldai mengelilingi pengisar gandum. Penghuni neraka berhimpun lalu bertanya 'Wahai Fulan! Mengapa kamu ini? Bukankah kamu pernah menyuruh orang berbuat kebajikan dan mencegah kemungkaran?'

Jawabnya: 'Benar! Aku menyuruh orang membuat kebajikan sedang aku tidak membuatnya, dan aku menyuruh mencegah kemungkaran sedang aku melakukannya.' "

{Riwayat Muslim}

---

Egypt: Power of the People. Alhamdulillah.

Bacha

2011-02-11T21:13:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

"Huuu...huuuu..", tears streaming down her face, eyes red and swollen.

Ever since Aen balik haritu, tiap2 kali balik sekolah, tak kisahlah sekolah agama ke, sekolah kebangsaan, mesti menangis.

Kalau baru balik sekolah agama, turun van mesti nangis sebab in an hour or so, kena pegi sekolah kebangsaan. Kalau baru balik sekolah kebangsaan, nangis jugak, sebab baru balik sekolah kebangsaan. Aigoo. Kenapa Bacha? :(

Stress. Takut.

Dengan siapa? Dgn Cikgu. = ~ ="

She hasn't been feeling well these past few days. Muntah2, diarrhea. So she misses a lot sometimes, kat kelas, sebab kena excuse herself to go to the toilet. Now, any other kid wouldn't fret sgt kot. They would have thought: Okay, sy tak sihat. Cikgu taulah kot. Takpe kalau tak buat homework.

But not Bacha.

"Acha~ Acha..huuu.. Acha takut Cikgu Acha marah! Tadi Acha pegi toilet, tak dengar homework yg Cikgu Acha bagi...nanti takut kena marah! Huuuu~" Then she goes into panic-attack mode.

And I'm left there, trying to understand her problem, but most of the time, susah kott. In between gasps and wringing of hands, susah nak get to the root of the problem. Susah nak calm Bacha down when she's crying and listing 10 things that she's afraid she would forget to do before tomorrow.

There shouldn't be a problem, sebenarnya. Bacha buat je homework. And homework pon, tak banyak sgt. It's just that she panics! She's soooo afraid that she'll get scolded (by her Cikgu BM especially) :(

"Acha takut kalau Acha kena marah, nanti Acha kena lucut jawatan! Huuuu~" she said, rubbing tears away from her eyes.

I furrow my eyebrows, perplexed at how to handle the situation. @___@

Kelmarin, she came home crying, straight off the school van ..and refused to sit down and eat, or even take off her prefect uniform before starting on her homework. Carrying that big mountain of a schoolbag over her shoulders, she rushed off to our small library to study. It makes me wonder what's come to the educational system in Malaysia when 8-year old children get stressed out more than middle-aged adults!

"Acha...Acha tak sedap hati lah Ngah~ *sigh* Acha tak tahu kenapa~ tapi Acha tak sedap hati.."

Haish. Gaya cakap! :DD Sejibik mcm org tua. :DD

Tomorrow is Saturday, so baru ingat mesti mlm ni dia relax sikit ;) Tapi...

"Acha pasni nak makan tau Ngah.." she began matter-of-factly, getting off the couch in front of the tv, fresh from her shower.

"..pastu Acha nak terus stret buat homework. Walaupun esok Saturday, tapi Acha nak buat cepat-cepat jugak!"

Bacha, Bacha.

"Mak ckp Mak counting on Acha!" She continued, shoving rice quickly into her mouth.

Arguing would be futile. So all I could do was shake my head and smile.

---

When Mak is around, Acha is a little bit different, kot. Less panic attacks, more melekat-sebelah-Mak. Homework? Lagi cepat siap, sebab less call-klinik-Mak kott.

It's not easy being a Mother, that's for sure. Kena layan and soothe most of the time; marah (bersebab) to make small children see the real way of things sometimes.

Tiba-tiba terfikir: Kalau tak mampu jadi student/sibling/friend yang baik, jgn dream of being a good wife or a good mother.

Our small roles that we already have to take on pun tak boleh nak handle, camana if you're supposed to be responsible to shape young minds betul2 kan? ;)

Saya gembira saya masih kanak-kanak ribena, that's for sure.. Phew~! XD

I hope Acha's panic and anxiety attacks due to (what she thinks are) mounting expectations everyone has of her dies down. It's just wrong that small children should feel that stressed over school.

Childhood isn't forever, kan? Aigoo, Bacha, Bacha~ :)

Slow down, budak kecik.

:-*

Preordained, beautifully.

2011-02-09T18:02:00.000+08:00

Slm wbtkuh.

A series of events that came one after another, like a wall of bricks tumbling down:

1) Jamuan unit Hepatobiliary; yg mana malam sebelumnya, contrary to popular belief that mashed potatoes senang dibuat, I had my own nervous breakdown even in the first step: acquiring the potatoes. Masa tu, the only fear I had that made me think twice about going out at night to the wet market (despite it being less than 20 steps away from home) was the fear of going out at night. Cam biasa. :P Tapi mashed potatoes needed potatoes, and hence, terpaksa. Darurat time tu mmbawa maksud yg lain, kot. Darurat utk jamuan esok hari, hehe. :)

2) Facebook off, Internet off. The only thing I worried about at that time was how I was supposed to get the edited MC script to Nad and finally, to the MCs. I didn't think that MTC was going to be off. Or that the very next day the phone line would be, too. A list of things that needed to be settled before 31st kept repeating itself in my head. I didn't even stop to think that there might even be something of a bigger scale brewing in the background, something that would have lead to a possible consideration of us not being able to study there, even. Oblivious, kot Aen time tu.

3) "Ketaq, aku!" A friend said, breathless. Kereta Kebal ada kat Shatby! Jalan lengang! Tram service dah dihentikan.

"Ada kemungkinan ke, exams kita ditundakan?" A housemate asked, hopefully.
"Takkan punya, don't keep your hopes up!" I said pessimistically. "Study!"

4) Early morning, a visit from someone <3 dgn hadiah carrotcake. Also, a visit from Amie for Anugerah Ahli Proaktif. See, I really wasn't in tune with the seriousness of the situation just yet. I still had hopes of MTC coming into shape. Then by noon, the verdict: MTC wasn't going to happen. Safety first! I was boggled. Serious sgt ke?

Night: "Korg! Gong telefon, cakap suruh tutup semua lampu dalam rumah! Kena berkumpul dlm satu bilik, satu lampu kecik je boleh bukak!"

I panicked. Since when did things evolve into something of this magnitude? On the streets, we saw neighbours and their sons (the men) parolling, carrying 'parang's, and tall metal rods, knives the length of which was more than my younger sister's forearm, even. We were afraid. What exactly was going on? Police stations were being burned, banks were broken into, banduan about 5000 have escaped!

It felt surreal, to tell you the truth. It was like I kept expecting someone to jump out and say "April's fool!" Even though it was only February. At that moment kot, it dawned on me the seriousness of what was happening in Egypt at that very moment. Darurat dlm erti kata sebenar was manifesting itself.

Midnight, a call came with strict orders for emergency evacuation: Pack your bags, bring only what is important to you, tomorrow at 10 you'll be placed temporarily at check-points. Camp Chezar isn't safe.

Dunn-dunn-dunn.

5) More than 3 nights kat Rumah K Anis. :) Best sbb ramai yg ada, tp no doubt susah utk study. Uni tak ckp pon, smpai brapa lama, tunda exam. Constant vigilance! :( we were reminded.

Rumours spread like wildfire, time ni. Kejap ckp nanti ad TUDM bawak, kejap kapal, kejap AirAsia. Then, 'menteri2 kena buat meeting dulu'. Hati smua org mcm dh tawar utk berharap, fikiran tak tenang. Exams wala la'a? Balik ke tak? Or are we expected to wait everything out, until exams came, and everything goes back to normal?

6) 2 nights kat asrama, tunggu giliran utk ke Jeddah.

7) Sampai Jeddah, I reached for my phone, a text to Ayah for notification. Situation assessed, a series of calls and texts and confirmations and grouping took place. Pening kepala sekejap takpe. Asalkan dpt balik bi iznillah. Before we were out of the airport, tickets were confirmed, alhamdulillah.

Now, Aen kat rumah, syukrulillah.

Ayah ckp, on the way back home: Bnyk kan, korg terpaksa lalu utk sampai sini?
Aen cakap: Ha'ah, and laughed.

Tapi, Aen tahu, what I went through, is really nothing. Tu pon Aen tak tahan. :(
Lain org, lain threshold, kwn Aen ckp.
Ha ha. :) Can I smile and not comment?

I'm just going to give my thanks to Allah, and make full use of my time back home. Bnyk kena catch up.

Regardless of mcm2 yg dah plan (MTC, Jordan, Syria,Lubnan ,BOOM! Meet..etc.) surely as always, Allah has the final and BEST say.

I'm glad I got to see a part of (what I hope) will be a step in Egypt's reformation.

Praying for Egypt from afar (and friends still in Jeddah) moga2 segalanya dipermudahkanNya,
Logging off for now,
Aen@Cengal52.

p/s: One very important point to note; sblm ni, bnyk kali fikir, kalau lepas exam, nk blik Msia ke pegi cuti, balik Msia ke pegi cuti? :) I guess the way things turned out gave me the best answer to that question, kan? ;) I hope everyone gets to be back in Msia with their families cepat2. :)

Rabbuna yusahhil~

DEFINITION OF 'Preordain' : (especially of a power thought to be greater than ordinary people) to decide or fix what will happen in a way that cannot be changed or controlled

Head on a Platter

2011-01-27T01:20:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Every conversation seems like a game of croquet in Alice's Wonderland, these days. One wrong step and you're in for it with the Queen of Hearts.

"Off-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f, WITH HER HEAD!"

There should be a transit time for conversations, you see. One where you get to wait until the next train of thought parks its place at the station and comes to a complete halt, before allowing the next wave of passengers fill it's empty seats.

Bukan Japan's bullet-train or even the train kat KLIA that carries you off to your plane. Sekejap sgt.

Reactions yang patut di-edit dan pemilihan perkataan yg terbaik should be given it's proper time, as needed; as required.

Aen tak ingat which surah and ayat ke-berapa dlm Quran, but a colleague once shared a very important piece of advice: choose the best words to speak with, for Iblis finds easy way to invade words; boleh twist them dgn prasangka buruk and whatnot.

S U R A H A L - B A Q A R A H

2:83. Dan (ingatlah), ketika Kami mengambil janji dari Bani Israel (yaitu): Janganlah kamu menyembah selain Allah, dan berbuat baiklah kepada ibu bapak, kaum kerabat, anak-anak yatim, dan orang-orang miskin, serta ucapkanlah kata-kata yang baik kepada manusia, dirikanlah salat dan tunaikanlah zakat. Kemudian kamu tidak memenuhi janji itu, kecuali sebahagian kecil daripada kamu, dan kamu selalu berpaling.

Juga. Harini rasa mcm ckp bnyak sgt, pulak. Hyperactive.
Ma3lish, amigas.

Rindu Malaysia. There's always a misconception that: klu ada problems, mesti balik Msia lagi senang.
Buttt. Aen, that's called running away frm them, ne? NOT solving them.

Be a better person, Aen.
Go!

Off for now,
-Aen@Alex

Old memories flooding back.
Childhood Disney movies sgtlah best. Honest. :)

Senang/Susah?

2011-01-26T02:56:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Bila dada rasa sempit.
Bila lebih mudah utk memasamkan drp memaniskan muka.
Bila rasa 'what if~'-oriented thoughts dah start nak jam utk masuk dlm kpala mcm congestion kat KL on weekdays.

Bila senang utk diam drp berkata-kata.
Bila rasa berdebar, tak tentu arah, hyperventilate tak tentu pasal.
Bila list lectures nampak macam tak munasabah.

Bila rasa kenapalah teruk sgt, Aen ni..

Masa tulah, you realize that you were tested, all along.. and you still are.
Masa tulah, you take note of what's been ignored.

Masa tulah, you decide, where you want to go from here.

Decide, Aen.
Decide.

Time is running out.

Point

2011-01-20T20:47:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Surah Al-Ahzab, ayat 32 :

"Wahai isteri-isteri nabi, kamu bukanlah seperti perempuan-perempuan lain jika kamu bertaqwa. Maka janganlah lemah-lembutkan suara dalam berbicara, sehingga bangkit nafsu orang yang ada penyakit dalam hatinya, tetapi ucapkanlah perkataan yang baik."

15th January

2011-01-15T07:10:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. ~Marion C. Garrett

Montessori days when you were in Class Sapphire and I was in Ruby. You doing wonders at Multiplications and Divisions, while I wished for days when my class teacher would make me a whiz at it too.

Sri Murni days when we wore sailor-like, red and blue, striped pinafores and worried about your asthma attacks. Then you were made prefect, and you made me feel like the world fell into my lap when I was offered a 'probation' to become one too. Just like you.

SKBTHO, where you ran in sports. When I accidentally spilled a whole bowl of Laksa Penang on your baju kurung and made you smell fishy (literally) the whole day. Where we would go for PBSM kawad kaki trainings in the evenings, and I would always slow you down before we set out from home.

SMKSBU. Sitting in the same class for 2 years, never failing to make me want to work harder, achieve more. A setting for the makings of what would later on be a benchmark for our sisters to achieve and exceed. The setting for what has led to London, today.

Happy Birthday, Kaklong.

15th January 1989.

Drp Aen kecik, you've been the person I look up to.

You continue to be an inspiration for your younger sisters, always.

Thank you.

:')

p/s: PLEASE treat yourself to sth special today, yes? Direct order, nih! >:O Alrite? :) :-*

Our siblings push buttons that cast us in roles we felt sure we had let go of long ago - the baby, the peacekeeper, the caretaker, the avoider.... It doesn't seem to matter how much time has elapsed or how far we've traveled. ~Jane Mersky Leder

The best thing about having a sister was that I always had a friend. ~Cali Rae Turner

{ Take care, Kaklong.}

Love, Aen.

Malam/Pagi

2011-01-14T08:21:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

The world outside is silent.
I hear aeroplanes. Maybe only one.
Maybe none.
Wishful thinking? Tak tahulah.

Scalloped Cheese Potatoes, Trifle & Hot Dogs.
Very much like everything else, planned.
Whether or not jadi, bukan dlm kuasa Aen.
My responsibility lies in planning and putting effort, is all.

Mcm hidup Aen.
Jadi ke tak, berjaya ke tak, bukan kuasa Aen.

Tanggunggjawab Aen ialah untuk berusaha.
And believe that always, Allah has the best plans for me.

Cinta itu perlu diusahakan, perlu dicari. Cinta paling mahal, will not come easy.

Hati, istiqamah dgn pencarian cinta ini.
Lisan, istiqamah dgn pencarian cinta ini.
Badan, istiqamah dgn pencarian cinta ini.

Scrutiny

2011-01-11T05:55:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Nobody likes being wrong. Nobody likes being told off. Nobody likes imperfection.

But imperfection is what being a human is all about. You learn from past mistakes, you gather what you can from what you know is the right and wrong of things. You find ways to improve.

I fidget, grow uncomfortable, and break when under scrutiny.
Susah, bukan? When those who scrutinize you are those who can help you improve...you should take the chance to give your best so that they may know where you need practice the most.

To learn, you need to grasp the fact that you don't know.
That imperfect is what you are.

Baru boleh belajar.

"Say, 'I DON'T KNOW~!' ", ---Dr. Usamah Deeb

---

Kan bagus, kalau slalu aware yang we're on CCTV 24-7?

Under scrutiny every minute, every second.

Allah is watching.

The Best

2011-01-07T02:35:00.000+08:00

Slm wbt.

Sometimes it's hard to be the best person you can be. 100% in all that you do~

But you have to remember:

S U R A H A T - T I I N

95:4. sesungguhnya Kami telah menciptakan manusia dalam bentuk yang sebaik-baiknya

Do you need more evidence of your potential?
Strive for the best. Settle for no less than giving the best of your efforts in everything you do.

Also.. prioritize, Aen. At this time of your life, what do you want to learn/achieve?
Studies always comes first, no matter what, bukan? Prioritize.

Make allowances for others and their actions (husnu dzon), but never make excuses for yourself.

---

Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself. ~Elbert Hubbard

Smiles don't come easy, these days.
Unfortunately, this illness is worst in the mornings; and at it's best behaviour late at night.

Which is rather troublesome because the time of contact between me and others mostly take place between 9 am-4pm.

Rasanya nocturnal pattern perlu berubah.

---

Minus study leave 2 weeks, ada 26 days until FINALS utk Surgery & Internal Medicine.
Initial requirements perlu di-khalas-kan sebelum tu. Onegai, Aen.

Te-ta-pi. That doesn't mean that the sun won't rise tomorrow. Or that the sea won't be affected by the Moon's gravity. The world DOESN'T stop just because you're going to have exams.

Pertukaran pucuk pimpinan will take place, regardless of the fact that your exams will; too.
Stray ends should be tied neat, bukan?

Membebankan utk biarkan mereka yg merancang, mereka yg menjalankan dan mereka jugak yg discuss for muhasabah, in retrospect. Don't you agree? ;)

For me, the best judge of anything that has taken place sepanjang PCI last term is the audience. We see the loopholes/ possible improvements that can be made. Our opinions are the ones that should count, bila mana muhasabah perlu dibuat.

Mcm AF lah. Kalau tanya penyanyi, mesti dia kata okay je, dia nyanyi.
Kalau tanya audience mcmana? Lain kann?

Two different perspectives should meet to enable growth/ improvements, bukan? ;)

Jadi.

Sama-sama contribute a little, utk build a better community, ne?

Your thoughts count. Your opinions matter. Give voice to them.
"Suarakan Pandangan, Semarakkan Kesatuan"

Contribute. Share. Attend. :)

31st January 2011.

*Campaign kat blog sdr. :DD

---

Be a first-rate version of yourself. Always. :)

Pearls

2011-01-03T01:50:00.000+08:00

Ukhti,
It is with a heavy heart, that these tears are falling.
Though I know, that compared to yours, they are nothing.

I wish I could be there, hug you tight, whisper words to give you comfort and strength.
I wish I could sit beside you, and cry with you, even if you don't realize those tears might have slipped from your eyes, that those cheeks are now wet again.

My heart; it breaks just imagining you crying, ukhti.

Someone so strong, in the wake of a trial this magnitude;
Surely, Allah sees your strength. Surely, Allah knows your courage.

Utk kwn Aen, Yan. One of my dearest, oldest, best friends.

My thoughts are truly with you and your family.
Smoga rohnya ditempatkan di kalangan org2 beriman.

A Mother, a Teacher, a Fighter: Sabrizah binti Siti Zainab.
Al-Fatihah.

"Setiap bencana yg menimpa di bumi dan yg menimpa dirimu sendiri, semuanya telah tertulis dalam kitab (Lauh Mahfus) sebelum kami mewujudkannya. Sungguh yang demikian itu mudah bagi Allah. Agar kamu tidak bersedih hati terhadap apa yang luput dari kamu..." [57: 22-23]

Kwn Aen sgt kuat.

"Aku redha Allah sebagai Tuhanku,
dan Islam sebagai agamaku,
dan Nabi Muhammad (S.A.W) sebagai rasulku.
:) " --- quoted.

Smoga rahmat ujian Allah ini brings our hearts closer,
in remembrance of Allah's will and decree.

Stay strong, ukhti. I know you are, sgt2.

Love & Courage from Alex,
Aen.

Mcm Cholecystectomy

2010-12-31T02:30:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Sudah kali ketiga. Merasakan diri ini tidak patut cuba berlagak seperti Supergurl. Konon-konon these hands mampu melakukan semuanya. Buat itu, buat ini... When so many people refuse to do the same atas sebab tak mampu memberikan 100% kpd smua yg dilakukan.

Kali ketiga meragui keputusan sendiri.

Each and every single time, it's because one will suddenly pull out of the game. Show their hand of cards and leave the table; and I am left there, speechless, wondering if after all, the person who should really be considering to do the same should be me.

My studies is currently like Titanic; in the last scenes of the film. The one where Rose clings on so tight to the safety bar, as she faces the plunging end of the ship, anticipating the moment when ice-cold water would hit both her and Jack... the scene where the mighty Titanic was beaten down; the scene where Titanic failed.

'You take some, you lose some'.

Whether or not I choose to adhere to that well-accepted fact remains to be seen.
Ada kawan Aen ckp: guna peluang ni utk cabar diri sendiri.

Kali ketiga ini, Aen harap kali terakhir.
Hontoni, Nurul Aain. Give nothing but the best of yourself, for every single thought, word, action. Susah, tapi kena! >:O

Pastu have faith in Allah. Always.

Pray not for a lighter load, but for a stronger back to carry it. Remember that, Aen.

---

"Org yg menuntut ilmu, dimudahkan jalan baginya ke syurga" -ayat tu melekat kat kepala ever since Malam Kembara Ukhuwwah 2.

:'(

---

"Eh, taaaakk. Mana ada ... terus masuk kat ...!"

"... kan inhalational anaesthetic!"

"Aen baca buku apa ya? Kena baca ke ... ?"

Smua ayat2 di atas ditujukan kpd Aen, and smua ada kena mengena dgn root of all evil: sbb Aen tak stdy btul2.

Bukan tak tahu apa yg kena buat. Bukan tak reti.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss

Berusaha, Aen.

"Ayah akak cakap kat akak, sekuat mana kita kerja untuk benda-benda tu, sekuat tulah kita kena study"

Tanggungjwb pertama Aen ialah Medicine. :)

Dr. Nurul Aain Ahmad Fauzi.
Nampak cantik kan, susunan tu? ;P haha.

Utk Ayah, Mak. <3
Aen berusaha (bi iznillah)! Aen janji!

Off for now & still missing Cengal52 loads,
Aen@Alex.

p/s: Cholecystectomy kan kena guna metal clips. :) Aen nk ckp Aen rasa terkepit, Ayah. Mcm cholecystectomy! :D hehehehe~ <3 But don't worry. ;)
I'm never alone. {88 beats per minute. :) }

p/p/s: Penulisan ini doesn't indicate yg Aen ni kononSlah bnyklah sgtlah buat pengorbanan. Be-lahh. -_-" Takdenya. Luahan semata-mata, ;) bcos I haven't been as strong as I should be.
Could be (iA).

BERUSAHA AEN! ;D

Bi tishtiki min eh?

2010-12-26T06:05:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

"Musykillah, fi (q)albi"

"Fiin, bizabt?"

"Kullu! Kullu hagga maasyakil!"

---

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. ~Walter Elliott, The Spiritual Life

---

Family, almost a month tak dgr suara.
Rindu.

Esok exam Arabic Handwriting (Elective class).
Doakan OK :)

Syg korg.
Kalau boleh terbang, I'd sprout wings this very minute and fly home.

Lari dr smua kat sini.

-

Off for now, TC family.
Love korg, loads n loads. Sgt!

-Aen :-* :') :'(

Muhasabah

2010-12-23T02:46:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Diri ini tak sempurna.

Sampai bila-bila pun, that fact stands uncontested.

Dalam menegur org lain, adalah wajar perasaan takut timbul dlm diri. Takut diri kelak melakukan apa yang ditegah itu, sdr.

Takut itu hadir (sepatutnya) bukan kerana khuatir akan dipertikaikan semula pendirian diri yg dipegang ketika mulut dan akal telah pantas menilai org lain. (Sepatutnya) bukan kerana risau jatuhnya ego diri di hadapan org lain. Don't you agree that if indeed that were the case; maksudnya pandangan org lain diutamakan terlebih dahulu, in all our actions, bukan?

Therefore.
Takut itu (sepatutnya) kerana risaukan diri sendiri akan melakukan kesalahan itu, time level iman sdg mnurun. Bimbangkan diri kalau-kalau melakukan dosa itu; larangan Allah itu.

Sebab itu.

Amar makruf nahi mungkar perlu bergerak.
Perlu digerakkan.

Oleh siapa? Oleh saya, kamu, kamu dan kamu.
Oh. Kamu juga.

Kenapa?

Sebab in reminding others, we remind ourselves.

No matter how much your heart thumps against your chest rapidly as you form your words.
No matter how much you begin to break into a sweat as you point out to others, their weak points that needs improvement.

Friends are like mirrors.
They should reflect to us what our strengths and weaknesses are.
It's their responsibility to help us become better people.

Saya, kamu dan kamu. Juga kawan kpd seseorg, bukan?

Each of us carry that responsibility, too.
Remember that.

---

Terima teguran org lain dgn hati terbuka.
Husnu dzon bhwa kebenaran yg diucapkan itu, biarpun pahit, telah dilafazkan atas dasar 'tough love'.

Itu moral of the story hari ini.

Sekian. :)

p/s: I don't like it too. Tapi necessary, nonetheless.

---

Make dua'a, smua :'{

Pray for the Sabrizah Mohd Salleh, the mother of a very very very close friend of mine, whose battle with cancer colon has been made harder with a recent discovery of an inoperable metastasis to the spine.

A fighter whom I know personally (from the stories through her daughter, one of my closest friends) that never fails to inspire her children and students, and is the second nucleus of life (next after Allah) for her husband and daughters.

Make dua'a for someone's wife; someone's mother.

Semoga Allah sembuhkan Aunty.
Semoga Allah memberi kekuatan kpd Aunty & keluarga.
Semoga Allah permudahkan dugaan mereka.

"Hanya kepada Engkaulah kami menyembah dan hanya kepada Engkaulah kami mohon pertolongan" {Al-Fatihah: 5}

Ameen.

---

In 3 years' time, I'm expected to be someone yg boleh menggunakan ilmu yg ada di dada utk menolong org lain.

Persoalannya, mampu ke Aen fulfill that expectation?

Dgn apa yg Aen tahu~lah,
if things continue to go on like this, kemungkinan besar: TAK.

Assignment draft perlu disiapkan. Menu esok perlu di-finalise-kn. Hujah-hujah perlu dicari.

Familia, doakan Aen :') berjaya dunia akhirat!

Love, Aen@Alex.

SATU

2010-12-20T04:49:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh :)

Utk Alin, Slmt Bcuti! SPM is over, and now you can go scuba-diving, mountain-climbing and skiing wherever you want. (Eceh! ;P ) Dudette, I'm very sorry for not sms-ing weekly; nak call rumah pun tak sempat, kot :'(

BUT.

I hope (and pray) always, that you fared well in all the papers, and managed to answer the questions to the best of your ability. Jgn lupa, Usaha (CHECK!) ;) tapi Doa n Tawakal still needs to be fulfilled, amigo. Enjoy Medic83's reunion, and HAVE FUN, celebrating your (transient ;P ) freedom, hehe ;D

You deserve it. :-*

<3

---

Set Aim Towards Ukhuwah (SATU)

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them. ~Francesco Guicciardini

{ 3 - 17th December 2010 }

A short episode of my 4th year in Alex.

This heart hopes, so very dearly~ :')

That the time, sweat and tears poured into this proves to benefit each and every one of us, bi iznillah <3

S-A-T-U~ Satu!

-Out, Aen.

11

2010-12-14T03:39:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Aen rasa macam masa dah lari jauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh drp Aen.

Rasa mcm apa, ya? It's like masa saringan rumah sukan time sekolah dulu-dulu. Try as I may, tak boleh nak cepatkan jugak sprint Aen. Even kaklong yang asthma pun lari lagi laju. Time tu jisim tak berapa nak menyebelahi nasib. Graviti suka kepada jisim yang besar. Haha. :)

---

Aen tak memandang ke bintang.
Aen pun tak pandang ke langit.
Sebab, right now I'm too busy watching my feet, takut-takut tersalah langkah.

Macam someone who's engrossed in making Domino art; one wrong step, and at any moment, the whole artwork collapses, and kena start at square one again. Oblivious to the whole world, and how others look at him and his efforts; how some might even think the art itself a waste of time.

Still he continues, placing one piece after the other, arranging them in front of him to resemble the master plan in his mind.

Bila mana dah tiba masanya utk jatuhkan Domino, he will smile, and so will others, as they look on; watching the art unfold itself miraculously.

Tapi, minutes later, lepas jatuhnya semua Dominos tu...
He will be the only one picking up the pieces by himself.

Nilai sesuatu pekerjaan.
Burned into memory.
Hanya si pelaku yang tahu.

Orang lain, hanya sekadar penonton sementara.
Bystanders.
Transient.
Mcm Chipsmore.
Dulu takda. Sekarang ada.
Nanti?
Hilang.

Mcm Aen ckp.
Nilai sesuatu pekerjaan itu, paling penting kepada siapa?
Pelakunya.

---

11 degrees celcius outside, Ayah. :{ Brrr!~ Se-juk!

Aen rasa macam Aen KENA balik bulan 2 nanti.
Haha. :)

Take note penggunaan kata 'kena'.

Badan sejuk, biru.
Hati sejuk, biru.
Semangat sejuk, biru.

Allah, light me a fire inside, deep.
One that burns brightly and warms me whole; roh dan jasad.

Nadi; pulsating selama mana Aen dah hidup.
Pelengkap, penjaga, pencukup.

Alhamdulillah.

Berusaha, Aen. :)

TC family, <3 ~Aen@Alex.

---

93:1. Demi waktu matahari sepenggalahan naik,

93:2. dan demi malam apabila telah sunyi,

93:3. Tuhanmu tiada meninggalkan kamu dan tiada (pula) benci kepadamu,

93:4. dan sesungguhnya akhir itu lebih baik bagimu dari permulaan.

93:5. Dan kelak Tuhanmu pasti memberikan karunia-Nya kepadamu, lalu (hati) kamu menjadi puas.

93:6. Bukankah Dia mendapatimu sebagai seorang yatim, lalu Dia melindungimu.

93:7. Dan Dia mendapatimu sebagai seorang yang bingung, lalu Dia memberikan petunjuk.

93:8. Dan Dia mendapatimu sebagai seorang yang kekurangan, lalu Dia memberikan kecukupan.

93:9. Adapun terhadap anak yatim maka janganlah kamu berlaku sewenang-wenang.

93:10. Dan terhadap orang yang minta-minta maka janganlah kamu menghardiknya.

93:11. Dan terhadap nikmat Tuhanmu maka hendaklah kamu menyebut-nyebutnya (dengan bersyukur).

Who?

2010-12-08T07:07:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

It's very easy to pass judgement on others.

Sometime last week, I reminded others about first impression, and how they should use it to their full advantage. Leave a good impression, and you're all set; no one will judge you for anything less than what you really are. Leave a bad first impression, and you might as well give up.

Kott.

Some people will agree with this, especially future employers. Most of the time (alright, all -_-" of the time) you only get a once-in-a-lifetime contact in that less-than-an-hour interview, and yes, that less-than-an-hour interview will determine your 'life or death' as regards that particular job you're applying for.

Tapi... what about the people around you?

How do they judge you?
Do they depend again, on that once-in-a-lifetime contact, bas?

---

Terkilan dgn comment.
Terkedu dgn soalan.
Sbb tiba-tiba rasa diri ini transparent.

Really, do I look that uncomfortable?
Maybe it's the hesitancy in my speech,
Maybe it's because my face feels hot (bukan hot: cantik, ye. hot: panas. as in due to vasodilatation -_-") when I talk too much,
Maybe it's my quivering voice.
My shifty eyes ke.

T_T

I don't know.
You tell me.

:'(

Niat Aen ttp sama: fulfill what's required of me as best I can.
Sebab itu amanah Aen kpd org lain. Itu tanggungjawab Aen sbg seorg yg bergelar muslim.
Jugak sbb, my best is my only option.

If my best is not up to par,
ma3lish.

---

Aen Pozi is like an onion.
No, bukan sbb bus0k =_= ~

Tp to know who I am, you need to first peel the initial layers apart.

Then... well.
Then you see me.

:)

---

This works; always:

"Utamakan pandangan Allah daripada pandangan manusia."

Tak kenal maka tak cinta.
Mulakan dengan nama.

p/s:
Saw someone do a double-take (pusing kpala/tgk twice) harini masa ada adik akhawat lalu.
Rasa time tu mcm nk muntah.
Ei awOk. Jaga pandangan, awOk. >:O

Me-na-kutt-kan. :'(

Once Upon A Time

2010-12-06T21:16:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

INTERNAL MEDICINE.
That story has ended.
The ship has sailed.
The last bell rung.
The final calls made.

And I'm really sorry, familia~ that I wasn't one of those who noticed that the story had been close to it's ending.

Maybe I should know my limits before I put myself to the test.
It makes the ground softer, when I fall. Hurts less, kot.

Internal Medicine ended tadi, dengan OSCE examination.
Needless to say, kalau 'scatterbrain' wasn't just a saying, my brain matter would be all over the room tadi. On the walls, on the windows, the beds. The patients and doctors and colleagues and... well, you get the drift.

Hrp2 Alin fared better in her Chemistry paper tadi.

S U R A T A L - N A H L

16:18. Dan jika kamu menghitung-hitung nikmat Allah, niscaya kamu tak dapat menentukan jumlahnya. Sesungguhnya Allah benar-benar Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.

16:53. Dan apa saja nikmat yang ada pada kamu, maka dari Allah-lah (datangnya), dan bila kamu ditimpa oleh kemudaratan, maka hanya kepada-Nya-lah kamu meminta pertolongan.

Allah itu adalah seperti sangkaan hambaNya.
:)

Silver lining in everything. Have faith.

---

A story of ungratefullness, recited.

Aen, please take note.

---

Click on link, onegai~
Doa Akhir Tahun & Awal Tahun

;)

Off for now,
AenPozi.

Penat

2010-11-28T05:27:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Dah lama rasa tak call.

Rindu suara-suara from Cengal52.

---

Mood hrini gloomy. Rounds rasa tersangat dragging. Kat library, mengantuk! :'(

Just when start rasa nak dekat pancit,
Bila mana tertanya balik kpd diri sdr ttg choices made...

Banyak kali dapat semangat dari arah yg tak disangka. :')

Kwn2 Aen smua baik2.
Allah, hambaMu ini sgt bersyukur. <3

Smoga istiqamah dgn perasaan ini. Ameen.

---

Antara kwn2 Aen yg Aen syg bagi ni. Rasa down? Sila baca:

by Yasmin Mogahed.

I still remember the desperation. In the deep disappointment which often follows self-reflection, I turned to my Creator to plead. I turned to plead – but not for what can be measured, bought, sold, or traded. It was desperation for a truer currency. With my flaws suddenly made open to me, I became desperate to be liberated from the tyranny of my own nafs (lower desires). I became desperate to be a better person.

And so, handing my heart to Allah (swt), I prayed that I might be purified. And while I had always held to firm faith that God is the Hearer of prayers, I never imagined when – or how – that prayer would be answered.

Soon after that prayer, I experienced one of the most difficult periods of my life. During the experience, I braced myself, and prayed for guidance and strength. But never did I see any connection to my previous prayer. It was not until that time had passed, and reflecting on it, I realized how I had grown. Suddenly I remembered my prayer. Suddenly I felt that the difficulty was itself the answer to the prayer I had made so desperately.

The words of Rumi explain beautifully:

“When someone beats a rug with a stick, he is not beating the rug – his aim is to get rid of the dust. Your inward is full of dust from the veil of ‘I’-ness, and that dust will not leave all at once. With every cruelty and every blow, it departs little by little from the heart’s face, sometimes in sleep and sometimes in wakefulness.”

So often we experience things in life, and yet never see the connections between them. When we are given a hardship, or feel pain, we often fail to consider that that experience may be the direct cause or result of another action or experience. Sometimes we fail to recognize the direct connection between the pain in our lives and our relationship with Allah (swt).

That pain and adversity serves many purposes in life. Times of hardship can act as both an indication as well as a cure, for our broken relationship with our Creator.

Times of difficulty test our faith, our fortitude and our strength. During these times, the level of our iman becomes manifest. Adversity strips away our masks, revealing the truth behind mere declaration of faith. Hardships separate those whose declaration is true from those who are false.

Allah says:

“Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tested? But We have certainly tested those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars” (Qur’an, 29:2-3).

Hardships test us. But hardships can also be a blessing and a sign of Allah’s love. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

“Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity” [Bukhari].

And yet most people cannot fathom how adversity could possibly be good. Many do not recognize that hardship is in fact a purifier, which brings people back to their Lord. What happens to the arrogant who are suddenly put in a situation they cannot control? What happens to a man who finds himself stranded on the ocean in the middle of a storm? What happens when the ship that is ‘unsinkable’ becomes the tale of the Titanic?

These perceived misfortunes are in fact wake up calls. They humble. They shake. They remind us of how small we are, and how Great God is. And in that way they awaken us from the slumber of our deceptions, our heedlessness, our wandering, and bring us back to our Creator. Hardships strip away the veil of comfort from our eyes, and remind us of what we are and where we’re going.

Allah (swt) says:

“…And We tested them with good [times] and bad that perhaps they would return [to obedience]” (Qur’an, 7:168). In another ayah, Allah (swt) explains: “And We sent no Prophet to any town (and they denied him), but We seized its people with suffering from extreme poverty (or loss in wealth) and loss of health and calamities, so that they might humiliate themselves (and repent to Allah)” (Qur’an, 7:94).

This lesson in humility purifies the human soul so much so that Allah (swt) comforts the believers in the Qur’an, assuring them that any pain they encounter is intended to elevate and honor them. He says:

“If a wound should touch you – there has already touched the [opposing] people a wound similar to it. And these days [of varying conditions] We alternate among the people so that Allah may make evident those who believe and [may] take to Himself from among you martyrs – and Allah does not like the wrongdoers – And that Allah may purify the believers [through trials] and destroy the disbelievers. Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while Allah has not yet made evident those of you who fight in His cause and made evident those who are steadfast?” (Qur’an, 3:140-142).

It is that very battle to purify the self which is the essence of the upward path to God. It begins with self-sacrifice, and is paved by the sweat of struggle.

It is this path, which God describes when He says:

“Oh mankind! Verily you are ever toiling on towards your Lord – painfully toiling – but you shall meet Him.” (Qur’an, 84:6).

Pastu, video ini:

Nouman Ali Khan - What Muslims Do When Life Goes Wrong

Thank you, ukhti. :-*

p/s: Ayah! XX utk Mak Ayah. XXX utk budak2 busOk kat rumah. X utk budak Jepun di Kings. Syg korg, doakan Aen kat sini :)

An attempt; this is not.

2010-11-15T17:29:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

You are a puppet, but in the hands of the infinite, which may be your own. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

Cermin

2010-11-13T06:33:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Dlm menegur org lain, one finger is pointed at them, no? They are the subject of the conversation, the doer who does things, yes? I know it's probably lapuk, tapi Aen suka the idea yg we're always reminded of, when broaching the subject:
Satu jari menunding ke arah orang lain, tapi ingat, TIGA jari ke arah diri sendiri.

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. ~Author Unknown

---

" *****, susahnya nak jadi baik," I sighed.

"Haha~ susah, susah..." She smiled.

Musykilah fi (q)albi.

---

The only way to settle any conflict is to face it, head on.
Even if it's not particularly pleasant.
Oleh itu, saya perlukan cermin diri.

The truth brings with it a great measure of absolution, always. ~R.D. Laing

---

12th November <3

Happy (Belated) Birthday, TinOt. :)

Hope you got your cheesecake, TinOt ;)

(I think it goes without saying~) Love you, aite? :)

Happy FOUR-teenth, Tyra Banks.

Hahahaha~

-Angah

p/s: Kalau puas balik 5 hari, mesti Aen dah kemas beg dah. :'(

Saya Pilih... Buaya!

2010-11-11T04:36:00.001+08:00

Slm, familia!

Hari ini, solat Subuh je tunaikan kat rumah. Zuhur, Asar, Maghrib, Isya' kat luar.
Penat kaki, tapi paling kesian Mekti. Dah slim, nanti tak pasal2 slim lagi sebab Aen punya indecisiveness.
Ma3lish Mekti, nanti esok Aen (iA) masak awal2 utk makan lepas kelas terus ye?
Perlu keep fat depot Mekti dari dikurangkan, no matter what! ^o^ hehh, hehh. :D
Arigatou, Mekti utk hrini~ :)

---

This article really hit me like doosh-doosh-doosh, yo. Siapa minat nak jadi psychiatrist? :) Hehe.

A Psychologist Looks at Self-Worth

I'm not saying I'm a perfectionist. That's just too good a term for me, yo. -_-V

---

Nur Azlyn Ahmad Fauzi ada 13 hari lagi before SPM!

Nur Azlyn Ahmad Fauzi ada 13 hari lagi sebelum ke medan perang!

Nur Azlyn Ahmad Fauzi kena pulun 13hri lg b4 semua usahanya selama 2 tahun is put to the test!

SPM: (S)ijil (P)enentu (M)asa~~depan

Nur Azlyn Ahmad Fauzi...

I'm praying for you always, iA~ :)

No... she probably won't be reading this (kan? O_O) ---

Andai kata hang baca, dudette~ tak bermaksud to scare you ne~ ;)

Hanya sekadar mengumumkan di sini ttg peperangan besar enti come 13 days lagi :-*

Aen support dari jao00h :)

Always.

All the best, DudDetTE <3

Ganbatte!

---

EdCoustic: Menjadi Diriku

Support System

2010-11-04T03:07:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

It's easier to lean on others. To have them comfort you when you're sad. Have them laugh with you when you're happy, and cheer you on when you feel down. It's easier than having to work through all those emotions alone, yes? One thing however, that you never learn when you depend on others too heavily, is how to stand on your own two feet.

Alhamdulillah, praise be to Allah~ I've been blessed with a supportive family, and a network of friends on whom I can depend on. :-* Thank you Allah.

Tapi.
I need to remember, that the most important support comes not from those who will one day leave me whether intentionally or not :'( , but from someone who has been looking over me since the day I was created, since my very first heartbeat, and every heartbeat since, right down to this very moment.

p/s:

Juggling a lot of things. Perlu berusaha. Niat lillahi taala, always always. InsyaAllah.

Hypocrite

2010-10-31T05:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes... you question yourself and where you're coming from.
:'{

---

Some people over-complicate things... Too much that they don't make a move at all, in the end.
Others over-simplify things. So much that they miss the main points completely.
But you know what? In the end, it all boils down to who persevered no matter what.

Siapa yang still did the work while others rested,
Siapa yang kept at it while others were lackadaisical,
Siapa yg never give in or give up when times were challenging.

I know it's a long-shot.
Tapi, can I be that 'siapa'?

---

Green monsters come in all forms of shapes and sizes.
Some are blatantly trumpeting their horns, unafraid and unashamed to show their green hues.
Others are quiet, small, annoyed tones voicing out their contempt when seeing the success and happiness of others.

Me? I just found out that my green monster appears when others' intrinsic value of self-respect comes through/ is apparent. It rubs me the wrong way, somehow.

Don't misunderstand.

I just expect too little of my own efforts, my own capabilities, determination and successes. Seeing all of these glum, negative values so contrastingly vibrant in others make me want the same things too.

Confidence is a must for anyone, regardless of where he is in his life, no?
I need a self-esteem booster shot.
Now.

---

Sudah terlalu banyak jarum halus dalam badan ini, yg dicucuk dari segala arah dari dulu lagi.

Is it really possible for me to pull them out, one by one?

---

Utk familia! <3
Harini Aen exam clinical case kan, Aen pun tak tau nak comment apa.
Nak speculate, takut pulak. Sebab asal nak speculate marks aje, mesti dah ada perasaan tak best.
Maka, disebabkan Aen nak stay dalam comfort zone Aen as long as I possibly can, I'll refrain from speculating and guessing and worrying.

For now-lah. :)
Kalau markah dah keluar, Aen gtau, promise! ;)

Harini, Aen makan seafood! Sotong celup tepung. Ikan pon jugak. Nus, nus (Half n' half), separuh grill, separuh goreng celup tepung. Nyum3! See-dappp! :)) Hohh hoohh hoooh ^U^~

Roti favourite Ayah dgn Mak kat Tarbush tu pon ada, cicah2 dgn banyak3 sauces yang dia ada!
Makan banyak utk compensate perasaan kalau makan kat Tarbush dgn korg (eceh, alasan :P , hehe)

Missing korg sgt3. And wishing, wishing, that in times when Aen down sbb study, Mak dgn Ayah ada by Aen pnya side utk bagi semangat and push me in the right direction. Mcm time SBU dulu-dulu. :')

Love utk Mak, Ayah, Acha-busOk, Tina-Tyra Banks + Alyn-Shmeagoll. :DD (A very cute shmeagoll XD )
Juga, Kanak2 Kings di London yg support Aen, mmuah mmuah. :')

:-* ~ Slm syg from Alex, Aen.

Unintelligible buzz

2010-10-25T01:18:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Do you know that passion is fire?
Do you know that fire needs sustenance? Food in the form of all things burnable; wood, paper, etc.
Do you know that if you want to keep it going, you have to feed the fire? You alone, yes. No one else.

Do you,
know that passion is fire?

---

"It's a question of discipline," the little prince told me later on. "When you've finished washing and dressing each morning, you must tend your planet." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince, 1943, translated from French by Richard Howard

---

Murmurs (1): abnormal heart sound due to turbulent flow as a result of defect either in the valves or the blood flow.

Murmurs (2): a quietly spoken utterance; the quiet or subdued expression of a feeling.

Both murmurs, when related to the heart, are dangerous.
Sila jaga hati.

Dari Abu Mas'ud, Uqbah bin Amru Al-Anshari Al-Badri r.a, katanya : " Telah bersabda Rasulullah SAW : ' Di antara sabda para Nabi yang terdahulu yang masih dipakai untuk orang ramai ( sehingga kini ) ialah : Jika engkau tiada malu, buatlah sesuka hati kamu. '

Konsep ihsan perlu diamalkan.
Onegaishimasu, HEART~

Go, go, Aen... go!

Kopi :)

Love to Cengal52 :-*
~Aen.

p/s: Exam clinical hri Sabtu! Doakannnnn :)

C/O:

2010-10-20T02:57:00.001+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

"Hmm, who took the history of the patient?" the doctor asked, raising her eyebrows expectantly.
It's sad to say that after almost 3 weeks, no excited hands were in the air in response to that question. Nobody wanted to say the history of the patient, for fear that the professor wouldn't find it sufficient enough even after giving us 10 minutes to work on it. At least, that's how I felt.

It's seldom that I get to ask the patient questions, despite the small number of people in our group. Blame it on my unenthusiastic response to the professor's directions, bila mana case sampai, I simply leave it to the rest to do the history taking easily. I don't fight for that chance. Walaupun nak, posisi tempat duduk yang jauh dr patient macam tak mengizinkan. * I know, alasan budak mengada * Which doctor nak shout questions masa history-taking, kan? Terpusing-pusing kepala patient tu, nak cari suara yang bertanya pulak. Last-last, orang sama jugak yg tanya soalan. :'(

So, bila tiba-tiba dapat duduk dekat dengan patient tadi, and had to manage the history-taking utk the whole group, cuak melanda dengan tiba-tiba, even though dah nak dekat 3 minggu kena tanya soalan sama. Yelah, bukan mulut Aen yg bertanya tiap-tiap kali. Tangan bergerak in response to maklumat yang dapat, yes. Tapi bukan minda sama yang berfikir, and mulut sama yang mengajukan soalan tu. Boleh tak, "Imta dakhalt fi mustashfa?" (When were you admitted to the hospital?) pun terlupa nak tanya?

"I don't want your first time dealing with a patient to be in your exams!" the doctor said, her voice ringing in my ears, words piercing me from every direction.

Be more enthusiastic, and act on it, Aen.

Tiba-tiba, "Berlumba-lumba ke arah kebaikan" comes to mind.
Irrelevant, secara kasarnya. I know.

But in another aspect, I think it means another thing altogether, yes? ;)
Berusaha!

---

Cop-purle. (Couple)
Eceh. Sebut macam nak sebut dlm English ye. Itulah bunyi dlm innner mind theatre Aen klu Japanese sebut. Eceh x2. :))

Ada adik semalam tanya.
Tak susah ke, kalau kahwin time blajar?

Jwpn Aen: Masing-masing ada prinsip sendiri, kot. Kalau akak, maybe rasa susah. Tapi orang lain, maybe ok je kot.

It's a big decision that is hard to make, Aen rasa. And therefore, I don't envy them ( married couples) for having to make it. Nak halalkan hubungan, kena ada sacrifices. Immature kot, kalau rasa dengan akad nikah tu, maka habislah segala problem. Usually, it's just like a sailor setting off to sea: it's a start of a voyage. Not at all an ending.

So...does that mean it's better to love without ikatan sah for the time being, sebab nak avoid sacrifices tu? (Sebab tgh study lagi)

Hahha. You know, in every conversation between a boy and a girl, tak kira YM ke, SMS ke, call-ing call-ing ke, ada orang ketiga, kan~ iblis?

Always, when watching pirate movies or reading books about sea adventures, the ship crew has to be of those yg the Captain trusts, bukan? So that you know you can depend upon them bila times get tough masa tengah voyage tu.

So, kalau one of those yg pull the ropes (crew) atas ship tu time tgh prepare (sesi berkenalan, ber-dating2) for voyage (perkahwinan) tu adalah someone yang memang kita smua tahu musuh orang Islam (Iblis), mcmna kott, ship tu terjamin will be safe masa nak bertolak utk sail nanti, kan?

Tak faham? Takpe.

Main point utk seseorang: Kott ye pon, nak berkenalan sebelum kahwin. Ada caranya. Perlu ada batasnya. And it's up to the cop-purle in question cmna nak letak boundaries-nya. It's up to the couple cmna nak jaga.

Berfikir ttg ukhti Aen while I'm writing this. No, org ini takkan bukak blog Aen. So if you're reading this, don't think it's about you. :)

Ukhti, I hope your ship sails safely, when the time comes.

---

My books are waiting.

>U< Ganbatte! Ganbatte Aen Pozi! w00t w00t!

Love to my family always,
Aen. :)

p/s: Blame it on my all-girls education prior to today (feminism); tapi I truly believe that: perempuan bukannya lemah. Maybe not as strong as men in a lot of aspects, betul. Tapi we're not helpless.

Aen tak suka kelembutan disalahertikan. Use it bila kena nurture small ones nanti, ye. ;) Kelembutan tak sama dengan 'kecomelan' or 'fragility'. The former still has strength to wield things into forms. The latter cannot even stand up alone.

Aspire to be the former, girls. ;)
Ameen.

Blow that Horn!

2010-10-17T01:29:00.001+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

You are given a choice, to be the best person you can be, somewhere in between, or the worst you could possibly be.

Hari ini Aen takda mood.
TBL (Team-Based Learning) shot me in the head; TWICE. Masa Aen menggelupur kat tanah, dilepaskan satu lagi shot right between the eyes. Gastrointestinal tumours included pancreatic tumours, ye? Sungguh, saya tidak mengetahui. Aen lupa, mungkin. Banyak tu, soalan about pancreatic tumours tu. +___+

Clinical rounds. Dr Nahla promised to go about the local examination of the abdomen systematically. Tapi, porke? *spanish* Leh, ba'a? *arab* Knapa tak ikut satu, satu? Even pakcik patient pun uttered the magic phrase: Wahdah, wahdah. Kenapa kami dibiarkan lemas mcm tu je? Ke-na-pa? Aen tak suka kalau tak ada sistem. How can you we get to our destination without being given the guide to properly get there? Weren't you there dgn satu matlamat je? : To make us understand? T__T Saya nak berkawan rapat dengan nota dari syuru'. Saya takmo kawan dgn cikgu.
Walaupun cikgu baik, Aen tawoo. :'(

Juga. Adikku Egyptian yg sgtlah pandai dan confident and oh-so-above-us~
Kakak2 serta 'Ayah' mu itu sedang belajar.
Kenapa perlu kamu go about sebegitu?
Kami tahu, patient itu letih. Kami tahu.
Kamu juga letih, kami tahu.
Kami juga letih, kamu tahu?

Regardless, ketuk kena ketuk juga.
Palpate kena palpate juga.
Dengar kena dengar juga.

Jd jgn buat kakak marah boleh? :P Don't worry, kakak takkan patahkan ribs patient tu.
Kakak tahu.

Hmmph! >_<

---

Kopi itu sgtlah bagus. :) :) :)

...Not! ;P

But it helps, honest. :D

Here's to tomorrow~
Semoga esok lebih baik dr hari ini. Ameen. :)

Gan-batte Dr Nuwul Aen Amad Pozi! *ceewah!* Mbahhaa! XD
Aja-ja~ Fighting! ;D

2:286. Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya. Ia mendapat pahala (dari kebajikan) yang diusahakannya dan ia mendapat siksa (dari kejahatan) yang dikerjakannya...

Hidup hanya se-ka-li-li-lee~ Smile Aen, smile!

Love to my familia always,
Aen syg korg :-*
-Aen@Alex.

Esok: Jumaat

2010-10-15T03:37:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

I guess I see the point of two things: keeping yourself busy and going out with friends.
It's to avoid moments like this:

Going through folder 'Raya10' that you forgot even existed in your external hard disk.
Looking at Acha's weird poses and funny faces.
Looking at Mak Aen yg selalu comel.
Looking at Ayah and baju melayu standard Ayah, haha. :)
Looking at Alin's unnatural poses ( ;P ) and expressions (haha! :)) )
Looking at Kaklong's photogenic, evergreen smile :PP :D

...Then realizing that, no matter how much you've gotten used to being away from home, you're still not immune to acute bouts of homesickness, regardless of how old you are and how mature you're expected to be at your age.

Missing Ayah, Mak, Along, Alin, Tina, Acha.
Sangat2.

Six kisses from Bilik Depan @RumahBawah, Syari' Isna, Camp Chezar, Alex:

x xxx xx.

Love always, Aen. :'-*

Belacan

2010-10-13T02:11:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Kat sini baru pukul 7 malam, tapi the skies look like it's much later than that. Gelap.

Smua org dah siap makan dinner dah, proses penghadaman sedang berlaku. Baju Aen smells of belacan. Tapi best. :)

---

The day started awal harini, albeit semalam yang ended late utk Aen. Lecture sebelum ni yang kena ganti kick-started today, at 9 am. Lecture yang mmg sepatutnya ada harini at 10 am tiba-tiba cancelled. Harini clinical rounds the doctor who 'guided' us on the history-taking (a new face, sblm ni blum nampak dia around) stepped on our shoes a bit, kot.

We were taught to follow the rules: 1) Take patient's personal data 2) Inquire about complaint and the duration it's been going on 3) Analyse the patient's complaint; each one. Inquire further about the pain ke dyspnea ke..etc. 4) Inquire about negative data the patient might not have negated. 5) 6) 7)...

Bukan suddenly kena ask about hemoptysis bila blum assess fully cough ke (patient's complaint) lagi. -_-" Aen tahu I'm not as good as that doctor kot, and Aen bukannya nak ckp lagi pandai.. Tapi, don't you think mixing up the system is kind of troublesome, especially utk ktorg ni yg bru blajar? TT_TT Maka dengan itulah. Adalah ramailah yg kurang berpuas hatilah. Myself included. Ma3lish doctor~ =_=

ILA. Integrated Learning A-a-aaaa. Aen lupa. ^_^" Ada presentation harini. As feared, lab investigations tak specific enough utk cholestasis. Blame it on ke-malas-an utk think properly and analyse data smlm, sebab rasa macam tak habis-habis buat presentatioooonnnnn aje. @__@ My enthusiasm utk presentations dah jadi dull. Tak mcm dulu, berkobar-kobar (ayat perli dri sdr).

First, mesti menguap banyak banyak banyak kali sangat. Pastu, tak boleh breathe properly. Pastu slowly, the heart hammers against Aen pnya chest. Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. LUB DUB. LUB DUB. Increasing in rate and intensity by the minute. Sampaikan rasa mcm seluruh badan liable utk be shaken by heartbeats tu. Macam, tak kata ya. ;)

Tak, Ayh jgn risau. Nothing to do dgn chest pain. :) Atas tu perasaan Aen sebelum kena pegi depan utk present apa-apa. Hehe. Tapi tengok2, tak payah cakap ponn, sebab investigations ktorg irrelevant utk our case of cholestasis. T-T Aen pn taktau nk feel relieved ke snubbed sbb tak payah present data yg tak agreeable dgn Professor. Mehh~ +__#

Hari ini! Dengan muka yg sememeh dan mata yang kuyu, Aen pulang ke rumah at 4.30pm dengan niat utk masak makanan yg at least boleh ditelan oleh housemate2 Aen. Alhamdulillah, edible walaupun 2 months tak masak :P ~ tapi tht wasn't the reason utk this evening's plus points... yang responsible utk prasaan best sbb ada 8 orang makan sama-sama harini. Sekali. Ulum-Yanzi! dgn Datin Seri Ha-Ha Fiza join. =)

A loud atmosphere, and filled tummies :D adalah ending yg best utk hari yang mungkin felt tak brapa best to begin with. Arigatou amigas.

Saya perlukan ko-phee. Ko-ph-phee. *sila sebut cara Korea* ^U^

:-* familia,
love, Aen.

utk Crew of Cengal52 yg Aen rindu <3 + mi amigas ~ :)

Deep freezer

2010-10-01T05:37:00.000+08:00

Fish

2010-09-29T13:19:00.001+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Time is subjective. Logically, one day has 24 hours.
However, how you and I perceive it can be very different; you might feel it as a very long day, whereas I might perceive it as a very short one. It depends on what you fill up that 24 hours with, kan?

Yesterday felt short.

Now the desktop countdown widget says "1 day(s) past Balik Alex".

The feeling when you let go of something that is a comfort to you isn't nice. You lose ground. For that short moment, you don't know where to stand. The final seconds of holding on to what has felt normal for quite some time, is heart-breaking. You hug tight, and a rush of hopes and wishes come out like a wave from your lips. Eyes water, voices shake. Nervous laughter fills the space when 'happy' is a word you think should never have made it into the dictionary.

Sa-yo-nara. :'-*

---

"Khusy, khusy!"
"Kamb Chezar fiin?"
"Toow pounds, toow pounds!"

A man crosses the street idly, ignoring the car heading straight for him. Easily, he avoids getting hit with a slight turn of his frame and the simultaneous sudden jerk of the car to the left. Nonchalantly, the man and the car proceeded on their separate ways.

The smell of mangoes fill the air, fresh; inviting. Green pigment with hints of yellow adorn their skin. It smells delicious.

Fresh laundry blowing in the wind. The smell of soap. It's like an arm draped in comfort around your shoulder; it smells homey.

"Haa-ssan!" a familiar voice calls out from the street below. It draws a smile on my face. Nothing's changed.

This fish who felt out of water for a while, is back in familiar territory.

'Welcome back, Aen', Alex said.

:)

---

Ayah: Acha ckp harini Acha buat Mak bangga
Me: Hahahaha. :)) Kenapa?

Ayah: Nk tau knapa?
Ayah: Acha dpt jadi prefect next year.

Budak kecik, budak nakal, budak bising, budak ngadE.
Tak smpat nak peluk pon. Tak sempat nak cium.
Kenapa pengsan cepat sangat, malam kelmarin? -_-" Gahh.

:') Angah pun. Acha buat Angah bangga jugak. :))

I love the internet. Jauh beribu batu~ but Alhmdlah; still connected.

Take care, Cengal52 :-*
Love from Alex always,
Aen@Alex.

p/s:

A collection of artwork by Acha Pozi. ;P

Ball mask. Mata off-centre, both eyes. :))

Acha: "Apalah Acha ni, kan? Dia jadi tak betul!"

Haha, kira tererlah tu~ Angah pun tak pernah buat benda msa kecik-kecik, Cha. :DD

Acha: *berusaha mengikis multiple chalks of different colour dengan ruler onto a piece of paper*

Me: "Acha buat apa tu, Cha?! Sepahlah, Cha!"

Acha: "Mmh, Acha nak buat corak"

Squeeze glue bottle. Tabur chalk dust over. Creative ke tak? :DDD

The next day, Aen jmpa dia buat benda sama, tapi kat luar. Kat dpan pool tu. Sbb dh kna marah buat sepah kot, smlm. :)))

The next minute, she's filling a whole bottle of water, followed by pouring the chalk-dust into it.

Maybe an experiment, nak tgk jadi colour apa, kalau campurkan.

Haish, budak nakal. :'D

A portrait of one ROCK-ing hamster by Acha.

Bacha! >o<

Missing you~ :'(

Tke cre adik Angah~

:-*

Monday Blues

2010-09-27T14:44:00.000+08:00

Slm.

Today is a Monday.
Yesterday is a Sunday. Ada jemputan perkahwinan anak patient Ayah @Ampang.
Yesterday, on the way back home, Ayah switched on the CD player dlm kereta.

In an instant, Karen Carpenter's voice fills the air.

"Rainy Days and Mondays"

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Funny but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.

What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

---

Dedicated to Kaklong, my sing-along buddy time kecik-kecik. :)

Remember 'Mr. Postman' and 'Jambalaya'? Haha~

Aen will be leaving Cengal52 tonight, and so this house will go back to having only 3 Ribena kiddies.

Goodbyes are never easy, no matter how many times you've said them.

Still here, but already missing home.

Tick-Tock.

Let's just get this over with, eh?

---

Doakan safe trip, minna~

Over n Out, Aen.

Stethoscope

2010-09-25T15:58:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

My third time going to Kamal's Bookstore this summer; pagi tadi.
Thank you Ayah. :)

---

If someone were to ask me where I would be, in 10 years' time... I'd say I wouldn't know.

Some people have five, ten-years planned ahead of them.
Ada yang suka kanak-kanak, nak jadi pediatrician.
Ada yang suka all things related to birth, and pregnancy; all things related to the miracle of bringing a being into this world. So, nak jadi ObGyn.

Ada yang minat administration; nak jadi one of the top Hospital Directors kat Malaysia nih, Aen tabik spring ;D hehe

Ada yang suka psychology, nak jadi psychiatrist.

Ada yang suka <3 ;maka nak jadi Cardiac Surgeon.

Cita-cita tinggi, smuanya. :)
Minna, I hope you achieve your dreams, every single one of them, iA~ ;)

Pray that I'll amount to as much, aite? :)

---

Every time we come back from Kamal's Bookstore, Ayah would explain little aspects of the clinical examination. I'd listen, of course; tapi I can't say for certain that they're all stored in my noodle.

Aen try to be focused, catching words like 'auscultation', and 'murmurs', 'heartbeat', and 'rounds'. The words do make sense, tapi they lack effect to me. Bukannya fault Ayah, that's for sure. Aen was distracted; honest. At the mention of the subject, I'd imagine myself doing those things, and the apprehension kicks in; Mampu ke, Aen buat tu?

I think anyone can have a good guess about the answer to that, if it made me uncomfortable, kan..

Ayah keeps saying: just go with the flow.
Ayah says: kena rajin-rajin discuss selalu, kena rajin-rajin bukak buku.
Ayah ingatkan: kena rajin-rajin tengok case kat hospital.

The thing is, bukannya Aen tak tahu smua tu.
Aen just takut Aen tak buat smua tu.

---

Part of summer's bliss is being ignorant. TvT

Honest!
If I were to do a psychoanalysis of myself, I'd think that the very fact that I can say, "Esoklah" or "Tak payahlah" or "Malaslah" or "Heh, nantilah" and not have to face the consequences directly is somewhat gratifying.

But summer is about to end, so I'll have to cut the act short, now.
If I'm not careful enough, silap-silap it'll continue utk jadi Alex's bliss pulak. Habis Aen, klu macamtu.

---

Nak main game? Best, game ni.

It's called the 'You-are-who-you-pretend-to-be' game
I've been playing the game for a very long time, now. Unfortunately though, belum pernah menang.

Senang je, game ni.
All you have to do is put on a mask.

Picoult uses a metaphor in her book about the subject. Aen dah lupa.
But.. it's definitely about a mask that we all wear, that sometimes become part of us whether we like it or not, in the end. A mask that if you wear continuously for long periods of time, eventually cannot be taken off without having to peel your flesh off as well, if you tried. Which is (haha!) actually, what you're aiming for to win the game.

Pretend to be good, responsible, hardworking people. Put on that mask.
And (big surprise -_- ) you might just end up as the real thing.

Oh, but there's a catch: this pretense is 24/7.
{Keep it on no matter what! >_< }

You cannot put it on, then the next second, take it off when you don't feel like wearing it. It's not going to help that assimilation of flesh+skin with the mask. It won't be adherent.

So be ready. You don't want to be fooling yourself (lying to yourself by not keeping to the act) in fooling yourself (pretending to be someone better than who you see yourself as). That'll be a whammy, betul tak? ;) Don't ever ditch the act; especially when you're alone in your room.

Those are the rules of the game. Simple, kan?

I'm rolling the dice and putting on that mask before returning to Alex.
Wish me luck!

Third time's a charm, they say. Mine unfortunately, wasn't lucky enough.

I wonder what my fourth will be.. :)

TC,
Gluck! --- Slm, Aen.

Doubt

2010-09-22T22:45:00.000+08:00

Slm.

I like consistency. It means predictability. It means you're safe in that small haven of comfort knowing some things will occur, (bi iznillah) while some things won't (also, bi iznillah).To have a say in what will happen, and what won't is beyond us, I know. I'm not unrealistic. God-like, kalau boleh, bukan? Ish.

But you can control your actions, at the very least. That kind of control I crave for; long for.
It's not loud, or attention-grabbing. But to it's core, it is control; it is power. Kan?

Don't fail to complete your goals too much.
You'll lose confidence.

When you lose confidence to exercise that control... oh dear.
What else have you got, eh?

---

2:208. Hai orang-orang yang beriman, masuklah kamu ke dalam Islam secara keseluruhannya, dan janganlah kamu turut langkah-langkah setan. Sesungguhnya setan itu musuh yang nyata bagimu.

It's haunting. It echoes; ricochets off the walls, off the floor.
Doesn't it?

---

Kalau terasa nak buat anything baik, ikut tagline Nike "Just Do It".
Don't think twice, don't over-analyse yourself.

Takut-takut nanti, that second thought stops you from doing it.

---

Loud pops. Bunga api. No, they don't make me happy.
Somewhere, a stray dog barks his attempts at a lonely conversation. Unheeded.

I need some food for my heart tonight.

Rain-lah, cepat. I want that soothing quilt of raindrops to cloak me tonight.

Off for now, Aen.

p/s: Pink is Power. GIRL POWER. Rawwr!

Love Bug

2010-09-20T17:25:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

There's a bug in my system. Or in this page.

Aen dah delete the link to that page, kaklong. So maybe it's possible now for you to read this.
Gomenne. Didn't know that was possible.

Arigatou for informing.

:)

---

I guess it's what you get when you read three Picoult books, one after the other.
There's this negative feeling inside, that impedes your positive perspective on things.

I've just finished 'Nineteen Minutes' (Yes, I'm well aware of how left behind I am when it comes to reading fiction these days -_-" ) and since that twist in the story (I can't say I didn't expect it :P ) this feeling won't get off my chest.

You know, maybe it's not even the story.
Maybe it's not even Picoult.
Maybe it's just me finally coming to realize that I've only got 8 days left before my flight back to Alex.

"Bahh! Humbug!" Scrooge would say.

You can say that again, brotha'. :((

---

Two months don't end in an instant. Change isn't sudden.
The tattle-tale marks are all over the place.

Kaklong isn't around anymore.
Ayah goes online more often these days than he's ever done all summer, sebab Kaklong dah balik King's.
Instead of Mak heading off to Econsave or Jusco for the weekly grocery shopping; we head off to shop for my 'Balik-Alex' goods instead.
My list of things to settle before balik Alex is already shoving itself in my face again, after successfully hiding itself from me for the past two months. ;P

There's a pestering reminder that I have to ration out my clothes 2-3 days before flight so everything's washed and folded and doesn't get left behind.

That familiar itch to chop my hair off; my 'thing' that I do every summer I come home.

My list of storybooks that I'm not done with is laughing at my face, saying 'Ha, ha. Who told you to abandon us to play 'The Sims 3' instead?' .

Maggi is enticing me to buy loads and loads of it's instant noodles so that last summer's nightmare of obscenely obese cargo luggage gets to happen all over again.

I get to practice saying 'no' to Maggi's instant noodles to act on my not-so-newly-founded stand against liking anything and everything that won't last. Which unfortunately reminds me why I've never allowed anyone close enough to be a best friend or anything like that. Which, reminds me why I'm never going for commitment. Which to my utter dismay, reminds me of how immature I am, even at 20.

Gosh.
I bet no one else ever had an emotional roller-coaster just by the thought of leaving home.
+__#

Welcome to my world. :PP

---

Hari ini!

Bersamaan dengan 20 September, 2010!

Ada tiga peristiwa penting dalam sejarah hidup Aen! (Eceh :DD )

Dun Dun Dun Dunn! :DD

1) Birthday Mak Aen! ;-* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAK! :) :-* :-*

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain

2) Anniversary Mak + Ayah! <3 :)

In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced. ~Robert Sexton

Aen pray always always, for a continuous 'happy ending' to Mak & Ayah's story. Always. :)

Happy Anniversary, Mak+Ayah ;-*

3) A birthday of one of my friends, Ena ;)

If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we'd all be millionaires. ~Abigail Van Buren

Aen hope with another year, Ena is ever closer to becoming a 'milionaire', yek? :D Here's to hoping good life experiences and especially happy ones, colour Ena's year, bi iznillah. ;) Happy B'day, Ena <3 :)

---

I hope everyone enjoys today. And for the rest of their days. :)

Everyone is the age of their heart. ~Guatemalan Proverb

Take care minna,
Love,
Aen. :)

Wahasytiinii

2010-09-17T18:51:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

That backpack must have weighed more than 2 or 3 kilos. Without the laptop, kot.
The suitcase weighed 26 kilos, when only 20 was allowed je. :DD
Kuih raya probably arrived safe kot, what with Mak taking a whole afternoon to pack it properly smua, kn?

Kaklong arrived safe. Alhamdulillah.

Dont' miss us too much, aite? ;-*

Study hard, as you've always done. Jgn work to the bone, sudahlah ;)
Hot dogs aren't complete meals.
Salmon cakes too.
Fish and chips aren't nutritious. :P

Asap-asapkan~lah dapur di sana ittew selalu.
Eat properly, kamu.

Yes, already missing you.
:(

---

I guess with Kaklong away, a lot of people it seems, have kept us a wee busy. :)

Maklong Yati said goodbye after spending two nights with us.
Kaklong tau? Tudung cotton corak-corak yg Kaklong cari ada banyak kat Alamanda! Maklong bought one for you ;) Until you come home to claim it, I trust Mak will be keeping it safe. Shopping dengan Maklong, Tina, Acha @Alamanda, utk Mak Ayah's anniversary gift. The next time you're home, Maklong kata she wants to bring you there, shopping. Buah hati Maklong, kan? ;PP Hahaa :DD

Maknjang, Paknjang satu family datang smlm. Swimming, Acha two days straight berendam dalam kolam. Haish. Maybe the laughter was addictive, kot. Syuhada and the others jumped into the pool a few hours after lunch, and so did Acha. Padahal tak sihat, kot.

*breathes in heavily through nose* Aen rasa dapat sth from Acha. My throat feels like I've just swallowed a fistful of sawdust. Nose is distracting; runny a little bit. Food tastes bland, gaah. #__#

Pergi rumah Ayahcik dgn Maknjang's family smlm. Jmpa Farah. :)

Malam ni, Nenek datang iA.
Yayy :)

---

Kaklong's Lady Antebellum. :)

Oit oit.
Take care over there, yeah? :-*

Luvluv always,
Aen@Cengal52.

p/s:
Definitely will be seeing you sooner than you think (or would like to :P ) , iA. Ayah kata nak sponsor! ;P Mbahahaha~ Mmuah! :)

Aftertaste

2010-09-12T03:28:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

It's horrendously late into the night, and preposterously early in the morning to talk about just drifting off to sleep or waking up for the morrow. I'm not sure which of the two I'm doing, tonight. Usually the lines get blurred when sleep takes over me and I don't even look at my watch then bury my face in my pillow.

Tina made it clear that she thought I came from Pluto when I said I hated sleeping. Kaklong and Alin didn't hide their expressions and said, "What?! Peliknya!"

You see, sleeping when you're tired is perfectly delicious. Aen agree.
The whole world goes black as soon as your head hits the pillow, and before you know it, (what feels to you) the next second, you're recharged for the next agenda on the list.

However, sleeping when you're not really tired; when all day you've made a personal mission to campaign a sedentary lifestyle to the rest of the world; that's just hard work! I really do mean that. Your thoughts wander before you sleep, because you just can't sleep, and those few minutes of imaginings/recollecting memories... they lead you straight into a colourful dream that you'd rather live without knowing.

So as usual, tonight I'll hold on long enough until I can't anymore, just because I don't like sleeping voluntarily.

*Ahha. Dlm kenderaan lain ye, familia. ;P I'm fully aware of how long I can go without sleeping in the car; 1 hour pun tak sampai kot ~dah lentok. Ehhe.*

---

Returned from Selama, today. Arrived sometime around 7pm @Cengal52.

It was good to see Opah after such a long time; still steady for someone her age. "Al-Quran sbg panduan dan amalan"; she's an epitome of that statement, no doubt. Regrettably, I didn't really chat with her as much as I could have; blame it on not taking the opportunities available when they presented themselves. -_-"

Nonetheless, I'm still grateful though, that I've still been given the chance to meet and talk to her again this summer.

I'm sure every family has a nucleus, around whom other members beat around the bush every time exams came, or any general hurdle has to be crossed using more than the standard share of dua'a. In Ayah's side of the family, it's Opah. The really admirable thing is, as I've more than once witnessed myself; is how willing and earnest she is to pray for her children and grandchildren's successes; not merely nodding her head and saying "Yes, I pray for my family always,"... Rather:

"Yaa, tapi... kena lah telipon Opah, ingatkan betul-betul sblm peghiksa,.. Pasai apaa, Opah bukannya slalu ingat. Kalau dah telipon tu, bolehlah 'Pah lepas solat tu teghuih solat hajat, na?"

:') Sweet tak, Opah Aen? Hehehe.

More than the slight increase in comfort that at least one more person is praying for your success, is the feeling of being considered special enough to be the centre of another's wishes and prayers to Allah.

That, I personally think, is a form of motivation for yourself to strive harder, ne? ;)

---

I'm afraid.

From what I've seen and heard; the older you become, the more likely for you to feel that you are right and the person you're not seeing eye to eye with is wrong. Maybe it's the years that push at your ability to judge, that cloud and make it impossible to view a certain problem from all possible perspectives. Maybe it's because the more experience you get under your belt, the more likely you think that they're all made of 'rights' and no 'wrongs'. Maybe it's because the older you become, the more egoistical and selfish you grow, too.
I don't know.

I'd like to think of myself as opinionated; sometimes more than what's healthy for anyone. But this past couple of days, I'd rather listen and not speak; because it just occurred to me that a lot of disastrous things can come out of that one orifice in the human body we refer to as 'mouth'.

It spoils everything, don't you think?

---

It's never easy to define between what should and shouldn't be done.
The world isn't black and white.
It's grey.

But then someone would say, then what's the point in having black and white, if you say everything is grey anyway?

I say there is black and white. But only Allah knows what those colours really look like.
We humans, we only see the world as a thousand shades of grey.

---

My father has an aunt, who's dedicated most of her young life to working hard so her siblings could have a proper education. She herself hasn't had the chance to; and so fancy letters that follow suit most names of individuals the society looks up to doesn't follow her's. But people still look up to her. People still ask for her knowledge.

My aunts fluttered about her, settling in a circle around Tok Tam without even being aware of doing so, I'm sure. They asked Tok Tam for her 'Semprit' resipi that won 6 times at a local kuih raya competition. They asked Tok Tam to teach them how to sew ribbons to form roses, leaves, carnations; onto pillows.

With a low voice, she answered, simply:

"Kami amik la, dalam satu cawan tepung, paihtu tepung jagung, dalam satu cawan jugok, tapi takda~lah smpai betui-betui penohh. Kasik nak sikit, je lagi nak penuih. Sat lagi, campuklah dengan aer, sikit... Kacau-kacau gitu dengan tangan. Kalau ghaso macamm tak cukup air, tamboh lagi~ ..."

"Uuih, lipat sikit, dapat lah bentuk angsa pulak.. Mak Tam jahit sini sikit, dpt bentuk lain pulok..."

The basic process of learning; through discovery, trial and error. Curiosity, the spark that ignited the flame. The simple desire of wanting to try new things, and bring simple joy like eating wonderful food to others in the process. The honesty and sincerity in wanting nothing more but to be useful to others. You see all of that in Tok Tam.

Like Mak Uda said, "Cuma tak ada peluang aje, kalau Mak Tam masuk U, wahh, professor teghuih laa~"
Mak'njang : "Cuma majalah je, tak datang interview! Kalau idak..."

Tok Tam also had her fair share of romance stories; one that in particular, involved other-worldly beings, too. Haa, mantap tak? ;) She sat on the floor, her voice low, her eyes looked as if they've seen more than we have, and recounted her short marriage to one of the Orang Bunian. My aunts, my mother, my father, my cousins, my sisters and I; we all formed a ring of audience around her, attentive and silent while we listened, my aunts popping in an excited question or two as she told us about Wan Mohd Isa's short marriage to her. Interesting, kan? :)

~

"Uuih, baanyak org bagi beras, bagi itu, bagi inih.
Rajin tu, dia. Org mintak tulong buat kuih ke apa, kalau tak larat, dia ajar macamana nak buat. Banyak org ingat kat dia, pasai memang ikhlas kann nak tulong.." Opah added to me and my mother in a low voice.

It doesn't matter what you do in life; where you are in life; have that sincerity in everything that you work on, in everything you do, and InsyaAllah, dengan izinNya, you'll see that memang btul pon:

Cukuplah Allah sebagai penolong kami, dan Allah adalah sebaik-baik pelindung.

---

A lot of patience was tested; some grounds were better left untrodden. Family gatherings biasa kot; manis, masam. Mcm Ikan Sweet Sour. Hehe. :))

Squad Kanak2 Ribena; Acha + beg khas utk kumpul duit raya ;P

Opah :-*

Overall, Raya tahun ni was good. ;) Honest.
Arigatou, family. :)

Off for now,
Slm,
Aen.

Definition of AFTERTASTE : persistence of a sensation (as of flavor or an emotion) after the stimulating agent or experience has gone

Bunyi Mercun

2010-09-08T20:17:00.001+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

It's been raining non-stop since afternoon.

The skies have been crying frequently, of late; the past couple of nights' sleep have been accompanied by the sound of droplets falling, a lullaby that carries you swiftly and hurriedly into your dreams.

I like to think that a lot of people are witnessing the shower; bangun2 tengah malam to prostrate themselves in submission to Allah.
Listening to the silence of the world outside, shrouded with the muffled pitter-patter of rain.
---With the rain, praising Allah.

I hope next year, I'll get the chance to do what I've had to miss out on, this year.

---

Tomorrow we'll be starting off for Selama, Perak.
Things belum pack. Malam ni mesti Mak (kalau Mak tak letih lah) in a frenzy, reminding us utk buat tu, buat ni. Amik tu, amik ni.
If we're lucky, we get to start early esok. Kalau smua barang dah siap, lah.
Kalau tak, haha. I can just imagine tomorrow muka Ayah macamana tunggu ktorg dlm Viano. *insert P.Ramlee-horror sound effect: dunn-dunn-dunn-dunn! ~~DUNN-DUNN!*

;DD Gomenn in advance, Ayah. If-lah, tomorrow is what has always been with us girls, bersabar ye. We'll kick off the journey jugak, iA. :))

"Dah amik camera, belom?"
"... ... ... Jap jap!" ~ ^_^"

"Tertinggal kuih, nak bagi Opah!"

I pray tomorrow we'll have a not-so-difficult road (I won't be unrealistic and say 'easy'. Tomorrow last day before Raya, kot! #o# ) I hope everything goes smoothly, bi iznillah. Lambat takpe. Asalkan selamat.

---

I hope everyone enjoys their Raya. :)

---> Kanak2 SPM, try to enjoy it a little, aite? At least, you get to parade around in your baju raya to someone other than Hunny Bunny (even if the fun is short-lived, anyway) kan? ;PP

If anyone reads this, 10 short stubby fingers Aen hulurkan, memohon maaf atas kesilapan whether intentional or not yg Aen dh buat. If everyone has clean slates, everyone will be happy, yes? ;)

Selamat Hari Raya --- Maaf Zahir + Batin, korg.
Have a good one, amigas. :)

-Off for now, Aen@Cengal52.

Learn to Love

2010-09-05T13:53:00.000+08:00

Slm. :)

It's been a couple of days since I've been online; and the flurry of new posts on my favourite blogs is like chugging down cold jus tembikai after a day of puasa. Best.

I'm glad a lot of people are still writing, even as they're busy with attachments ke, studying ke... arigatou! You guys rock my small world. ;)

There's not a lot to say for this week. Most of it passed by in a breeze; only one night out of 7 (not sure about tonight tho) the whole family buka puasa at home. Kaklong is going back to Kings September 15th, iA.
It's a race against time to collect memories (and things too!) ;)

---

Remember 'Behaviour'?

"Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs"

Love and belongingness is at level 3.

---

Woke up today to the sound of Aisya screaming, crying, shouting.
And then oddly, Mak laughing after.
Tina's voice was somewhere in the whole ruckus too; agitated.

I stumbled out of bed; confused.
Bunny rabbits; all three together for once... Thumper cowering in fear, like a prey helpless before it's hunter.

"Hunny Bunny jahat! Jaga engkau eh, nanti!" All the while tears streaming down her face, hair tousled, eyes slit-like from the crying and last-night's sleep -Aisya.

"Mak, kenapa Mak?" I croaked, working my 'early-morning' vocal cords.

Mak laughed mercilessly again, now carrying Hunny Bunny.

"Hunny Bunny nak kawan, tapi dia pergi kejar kejar (Thumper) tu" Mak replied.

"Mak jahat, Mak gelak gelak! Kalau dia gigit macamana? Nanti berdarah macam tangan Acha dulu tau! Huuuuuuuu... sian dia," Still crying, while hands working to feed a still shaken Thumper the water bottle.

Acha, Acha. :))

---

It might not be an important agenda for me now; but I'm glad, that a lot of people are finding love.
Banyak perkahwinan, pertunangan cuti ni.

Here's to hoping that each and every one of them leads to a healthy, beautiful family, bi iznillah.
Good luck minna! ;D

---

Be it from loving Bunny Rabbits, your family, or amigas~
I hope everyone makes full use of this summer to be with their loved ones. :)

Bebbi Mimi's Aunt shared a quote. Aen pun nak share-lah. ;)

"If you would want to loved: Love and be lovable"

It's from that comel, yellow Winnie the Pooh slip we got from the last SC with Kak Anis tu. (If I recall it correctly, lah. Maybe not word for word, but almost, kot ) Bukan Kak Anis yg tulis, the paper was already printed with it. And I know, grammar pelik. Haaha. :DD But that's part of why I like it so much. In all that bizarreness; the message still gets across, doesn't it? ;)

You want to be loved?
Learn to love others first. :)

MySpace-Countdowns
Slm, Aen@Cengal 52.

Pencuri

2010-09-01T13:21:00.001+08:00

{Written at 3.00 am, 1st September. But. Because I was too sleepy to click the 'Publish' button; maka~ Edited 1.00 pm. Publishing it anyway because if I didn't, then yesterday's efforts would have gone to waste. :P }

---

Slm wbktuh.

It's rare that I stay up for something useful, these days. -_-V

But tonight! Haa, tonight! I'm proud of myself for completing three, yes three~ pu-re-senn-u-to! (present; as in gift. But try pronouncing it ala ala Japanese, ne? ecehh ;P )

Because my eyes are tired, and my thoughts unfocused; another three will have to wait till tomorrow. Words have to come from the heart, especially when they're meant for those you care about most. Some might say I take waaaay too long compose anything (even an SMS!), but I would read through a draft 10 times over, if that's what it takes to be sure I don't miss anything/get anything wrong/convey an incorrect message. Perfectionist? Oh tidak sma skali. More like paranoid, kot. -_-"

Esok, esok. Esok Aen sambung projek. iA. ;)

---

Pre-Raya.

If I'd stayed at home today;

I wouldn't have felt Raya spirit already making a wave amongst Malaysian Muslims.
I wouldn't have seen the crowd that came out from their homes to join the buzz that is the clothes bazaar at Ampang Park.

I would not have spent five hours trying to help Mak figure out which kurung/kebarung/jubah etc. would go well with those in our household still lacking a new baju raya this year.

I would not have looked like I wanted nothing better to do but drop to the ground and not move for a good 2 hours or so, just so I could stop walking for a change.

I would not have boasted (and later regretted it when I felt sick) at dinner about my trained ability to swallow more food than what's good for me, after living in Egypt and force-feeding Arabian-sized portions of food down my throat to get what's worth every single geneh I spent, every time I ate outside in Egypt.

I would not have had to pretend I didn't feel slightly embarrassed, coming again to this one specific clothes stand, to suggest a baju kurung to my sister that I had liked; and hours earlier trouble the salesgirl with, because in the end I didn't decide to buy it anyway. Alin bought that baju kurung, thank goodness. *atonement, haha*

I wouldn't have spent money like it came crazy free, today.

---

I've thought about this yesterday: Mak and Ayah are both a little bit like thieves.
No, no. Don't get me wrong. They've done nothing wrong.

Rather, it's because:

1) They steal from whatever little time it is they have to accommodate us (the children) and our never-ending needs.

2) They steal from their own rights to own loads of beautiful/ top-of-the-range things, etc. so that they could give it to us instead. *not saying that I have a lot of bnda2 mahal/bkualiti mehh -_-" takdenya. Just trying to make a point*

3) They'll fight tooth and nail, so that we children get what they feel is within them to provide for us.

Gaaah. T_T

Ayah and Mak deserve an all-expense-paid second honeymoon to anywhere they'd like to go; once us kids start bringing home the bacon. Kami berjanji mencuba sedaya upaya! iA~

Demo, it's going to be a while though, before that happens. -_-" A very very long 'while', kot.
Oleh itu, hang in there Mak, Ayah. :(

Juga, as always always--- thank you :)

---

If-lah, I decided not to accompany Mak on our little shopping spree earlier; I don't think I would be feeling warm inside as I do now; reflecting on today.

Hontoni; arigatou. :-* Mmuwah!

-Eyes, bukak! Bukak! Aigoo~ #_#
Slm, TC, Aen.

p/s: Origami paper hearts. Now I remember why I gave up on origami when I was small -some people might take a couple of minutes (at most) to figure out the diagram/instructions in the step-by-step tutorial. I take waaaay longer. (I can't even make a boat! -_-" ) Adess. Tapi! Harini jadi, paper heart! Hek2. Goom-bee-ra. :DD

Papai~ Slm, Aen@Cengal52.

Gloves

2010-08-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

How I carry myself,
How I treat my parents,
How I am a sister, a student, a friend, a daughter, a (future) doctor, a (future) wife, a (future) mother...

I carry with me the responsibility of representing my faith, my religion, my beliefs in Islam.
I carry with me the work of selling what our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has taught and reminded us, to those around me.

I don't think I remember that often enough.

---

Nouman Ali Khan's talk always makes things simple.
In one of his talks, he said to a group of youths, that there are two main problems that young ppl fail to tackle today: 1) obedience to parents 2) shamelessness

Tackle two of these, he said; and as far as he is concerned, you're doing great.

++ At least if you can't do good, do no harm. Rmmber that.

---

Last day of waking up early and heading off into the traffic jam with Ayah; all the while wondering why you hadn't mustered enough courage to get behind the wheel of a car and save him all the trouble.

Last day of trying to avoid other people around 1-ish to 2 pm so that they don't accidentally hear your stomach growling mcm kononnya tak pernah puasa sebelum ni. Pehh. -_-"

Last day of smelling that specific odour released into the air when:
...all the layers are exposed; one atop the other..
when lakes of deep, deep ruby gets ladled into shiny, metal bowls;
when smooth, ivory white is exposed as forests of jet-black growth gets parted by a line drawn by a knife;
when what was packed inside by birth is getting to know the feel of the hands of inquisitive detectives, that examine and investigate meticulously, to connect between the time those waiting outside last knew this one person; and the time they lost the chance to, anymore.

Last day of putting on surgical masks and thin, sheet-like plastic aprons; and those funny shoe-coverings that look like shower-caps that you get from hotels at first glance.

Last day to listen to real accounts, of people reliving what must have been one of the worst memories of their lives; retelling it with a strength that must have been so much, that lips quiver and eyes blink hard, in an attempt to stop the floodgate of tears from flowing.

Last day to listen, to look, to appreciate, to learn from what is right before your very eyes,
a day to be thankful; that at least out of all the sentences you've forgotten from Dr Ayman Ahmed Khanfour's book, Anatomy of the Thorax, "left, fifth intercostal space, 3 and a 1/2 inches from the midline" didn't fail you today.

The last day is today.

Saddened, no doubt. But not forgetting to be thankful too, that although mine was short, this experience has proved to be beneficial, insyaAllah.

A thousand thanks to the doctors and staff members who taught, explained, and helped us learn.
A grateful 'arigatou' too, for the hand than extended the invitation to the rest of us ;)

Here's to today. :')

---

To be good at something... is to repeat.
"Bukak balik. Baca balik."

Exactly mcm Ayah keeps telling me. :)

Dh blajar, tapi..lupa! T__T
Jgn tensen2 ne? Kita ingat balik sma2 aite?

Signing off for tonight,
Aen@Cengal52.

KTMB

2010-08-24T01:14:00.001+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Everyone's busy trying to prepare themselves for their attachment posting, bukan?
I can tell :)

Good Luck, minna!

Bercakap dgn Doraemon more than 10 minutes on the phone. Wah. Sudah lama tak cakap lama mcmtu kot, dgn sesiapa. Days of chatting more than half an hour ~~has long passed me; so much so, that 10 minutes pun rasa lama. Tapi, best. Saya harap saya tidak membosankan kamu, Doraemon. :-*

Ganbatte ne, amigas?
We haven't entered 4th year yet, so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't really know what's going on masa 'round2' ward tu. Other people are already pressuring you, so why look down on yourself to boot, eh? Nanti kita belajar kat Alex ye? iA ;)

Have fun + look forward to gaining new experiences. Just nak dapat 'feel' kot, of being at a hospital, eh? ;) Pembakar semangat untuk sem depan, ne? ;) Don't give up. Because as of yet, takde pape pon, to 'give up' on, kn? Clinical blom blajar lagi kat U, btul tak? :D

Fighting, minna!
Enjoy ye, posting. ;)

---

Gathering utk buka puasa kat rumah Yan2.

Nasi tomato. Ayam masak merah. Dalca daging. Acar. Dragon fruit. Agar2 lychee.
Nyum2. Arigato ne, Yan2! Juga ibu Yan2 yg comel. :')

Saya kepenatan, but who wouldn't be cheered up with a loud and noisy atmosphere, filled with laughs, endless jokes and chiding? ;) Aen suka tengok family diorg. Sgt best. Kwn2 from Cardiff juga; always the comic relief. Muka merah sebab gelak banyak sangat. Haha. Haih.

Hami kawanku yg bergaya lagi cun dan kaya.. XD Arigato pashmina. TUT From India's silkhouse, tuh! :DD
I was asked today; "Mcamana awak dah nak dekat masuk 4th year dah?!"
Believe it or not, when senpai2 dulu told me that 'tak terasa' pon, the years pass you by... I didn't believe it.
Tapi I always say the exact same thing kot, when I reflect on my years in Alex (eceh, bunyi macam dah experienced sgt lah konon. ehhe) in retrospect. :)

Aen doakan kejayaan dunia akhirat utk smua amigas.

Ganbatte kudesai! ;D

---

Forensics is a medical field that requires the doctor to be knowledgeable in a wide range of subjects, sometimes going as far as understanding the geographical and cultural aspects of a society. Being well-informed about history won't do you any wrong, too. Sugoi, ne? Sgt terer. ;)

The doctor who kindly took time to explain and fire important questions at us for our own benefit proved that without even trying, I think. *insert tabik spring here* :DD

Definitely inspirational.

Domou Arigato. ;)

Off for now,
Aen@Cengal52.

Bunyi Pagi

2010-08-22T06:24:00.001+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

The water pump in our house can be heard from our bedrooms. It might not be as quiet as I'd like it to be, but it gets the job done, nevertheless. Shower best.
For weeks now, I've been nocturnal. So sometimes I wonder, when I'm all alone in the wee hours of the morning; who's using their toilets? O_O Ehhe. Dun-dun-dunn.

A slow, smooth whirr.
That new fridge was kind of uncalled for. Anak-anak dara rumah ini mungkin bukanlah calon-calon isteri yang baik (yet :P ). Tapi Aen rasa, kalau stakat nak amik makanan utk isi perut sendiri, mungkin takdalah sampai malas nak turun ke dapur, kan? -_- As of now, that fridge is still empty and clean. Aigoo.

Angin pun berbuyi.
Kipas peneman tidur. Pasang 1, slow sangat. Pasang 2, pun slow jugak. Pasang 3; haa. "Amik engk0" O_O

Bilik Tina.
Bunyi macam cikgu sedang mengajar. Hafal KH lagi lah tu. Drp semalam, belum habis kot. Kalau Aen duduk depan TV, ada Glee; memang Aen tak boleh focus. But amazingly, budak itu boleh. Ganbatte ganbatte, Tinot. Exams in 1 week kot. Berusaha. ;)

---

Sometimes, you just know when a conversation might be useless.

A good example would be if someone were to ask me a question of which is better, studying in Egypt or...

You start by (kononnya) listing out the negative points of Egypt. -_-"
Then you list out the negative points of studying in ...

You then list out the plus points of studying in...
Followed by a list of plus points for Egypt.

But for each negative point of Egypt, does ... really make up for it?
Vice versa juga.

There's no way of looking at it objectively.

Therefore, why bother?

---

"What if I had gotten a chance to study in famous places...say, UK?"
That train of thought has never left the station; NOT ONCE.

I'm just glad I get to study in Egypt; and my only concern is "What if I DIDN'T get to study in Egypt?"

Maybe it's hard for some people to comprehend, but I really do feel blessed 'dicampak' ke Mesir.

Maybe it's hard for some people.

But at the end of the day, don't you think that the only person whose thoughts count in the matter is me?

And Aen ckp kot; hontoni: Aen suka belajar kat Mesir. :)

---

Mungkin ada kaitan dengan 'diskusi' sahur.

But no, not going too deep. ;)
Jiwa yg sensitif tidak bertempat. Tak wajar diberi muka walau sesaat.

Betul, betul. Ranking of medical schools mmg ada, untuk seluruh dunia. Kalau Aen nak buat pilihan pon, mmg akan ikut ranking, bukan? Tapi andai kata nasib kita serupa, jangan lupa: Mesir itu banyak nikmatnya.

Aite? :)

Papai.

---

It doesn't matter where you are. What matters is that you make most of what you have.

Over and out,
Aen.

p/s: Weekly report looks a tad dismal. The only plus point is that semalam dah start klas. Harini mencuba lagi. Tengoklah, ye macamana.

'Amla' eh?
Amr Diab.
Mbahahaha.

-Aen.

Frank

2010-08-17T15:31:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

An unusual amount of days in between this recent post and the last. Unusual for me lahh. I think it was at least once every two days kot, in Alex dulu. Now? Wawawahh. Estranged child; this blog is.

Yelah, kot. When today is no more different than yesterday, what materials have you got to write on, eh?

14 days until end of August, my desktop countdown reminds me.
Nice-su, Aen. Nice-su.

2 weeks have passed since my flight landed at KLIA.
How much have I achieved since then, eh?

Let me see:

*bleep*
*bleep*
*bleep*

I'll be frank. Not much.

---

I sighed heavily, and sat down on the couch, slumping.

Mak laughed a little and smiled. "Angah bosan?"

Scrunched up my face and pursed my lips into a very very thin line. Then I laughed unwillingly.

"...sebenarnya bukannya takde benda nak buat, kan? Malas!" Mak smiled knowingly.

"Tahhuuuuuuuu."

-_-"

---

Stuck in a rut like me?

Everyday seems like the one before, or worse?

Forgot what day it is? No, wait.
Doesn't matter what day it is, anymore?

Then we're in the same boat.

Here's step 1, Aen: WRITE LISTS.

1) of what I NEED to do by the time summer ends.
2) of what I WANT to do .."
3) of things/chores necessary to be carried out daily/weekly.

Yosh! It's a little late for resolutions. But better late than never, in my opinion. I have to turn this summer around. Mesti.

Don't be like me, ne? I hope everyone achieves waaaay more than I've done so far, this holiday.

Hve a fruitful study break, amigas! ;D

---

Now, where's that pen and paper? :)

Toodles,
Aen@Cengal52.

p/s: Nurul Aain Ahmad Fauzi will make a report of this week on Saturday! Berusaha AenPozi! ^U^ Yosh!

Camp

2010-08-09T19:47:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

{POST INI UTK KTUA RMAH :) }

Do you know what sleep smells like?

It's the smell that you get when you've waken up from a very very deep and long slumber.

Tak busuk.
It just...well, it just smells like sleep. Yesterday's shampoo scent still clinging to your hair; the smell of your clothes that's now crinkled and rumpled; the smell of the bedspread and pillows in the dimly lit room at 7.30 am.

Do you know what a long, deep sleep feels like?
The slight headache and body aches that you feel as you slowly creep out of bed.
The imaginings that you've incessantly worried about, that you just realized were dreams that had no meaning.
The hunger that you feel in your tummy as you realize that you haven't had anything since yesterday's unusually late lunch and Portuguese Egg Tart.

That's what yesterday's sleep smelled and felt like.

---

On the first day, Mekti, Ckin and myself arrived at Nur Lembah Pangsun for registration after the >15 minutes ride from home. I hadn't realized how deep we had to go for the campsite, I'd thought that it was going to be a much shorter distance from home.

Nak tahu?! We were the first to arrive; believe it or not! Haaha! Always being among the last to enter a class of a practical session, we were ecstatic, to say the least. Mbahahahaa. :DD

Tunggu De, masuk utk briefing. I was already beginning to feel uncomfortable: what if they separated us? What if we wouldn't be in the same group? What if I were stuck with total strangers? I've never been the one to make quick friends or acquaintances. Hati sudah risau. I contemplated the why's of kenapa ada nombor 6 dekat nama masa register. Mekti, De and Ckin pon nombor lain-lain. Dun-dunn-dunn. :( We were to be separated, for sure. Dah rasa tak best.

The briefing was to welcome everyone and also to distribute our lodgings. Sure enough, we weren't grouped together. Aen dapat Chalet 8. Mekti Chalet 7. De Chalet 3. Ckin Chalet 4. Oggy Chalet 2.

Dun-dunn-dunn.

---

Masuk bilik dengan 2 other roommates. Sabrina; 1st year from Mansura Uni. Zac; 1st year from Tanta Uni. Zac was all smiles, Sabrina was one who warmed up a little slower. But they were both nice, so I was put at ease. :) Bru selesai solat Zohor, suddenly a knock came at the door; bukak pintu: OGGY! TUT <3 Haaha. Ada hikmah di sebalik kedatangan Oggy yg a little later than the rest of us. Tiba2 bilik sama. :DD Hehe. Suka, suka. De jealous. Kan, kan? ;P hahahaha. Kidding, De. ;)

---

Ice-breaking. There was a reason why my name had a '6' at the registration list. Group 6. Kak Azzahra. Zac (roommate). Najwa. Ilya. Nabihah. Kak Munirah. So many people, different personalities. :)

Dinner. Maghrib. Tazkirah style LDK: Gejala Buang Bayi in Msia. Interesting discussion. Kudos, groupmates.

---

Slot 1: Disaster Response Medicine (Theory).

What do you do in emergency situations involving mass casualty? A bus accident? A plane crash? Two doctors from Cyberjaya Medical University gave the talk and demonstration.

An overall commander would direct 2 teams. Field Response Team & Hospital Team. These are the people with the walkie talkies.

Overall commander: Base to Alpha One. Alpha One, do you hear me? Over.
Field Response Team: Alpha One to Base. I read you loud and clear, over.

We were taught how to use the walkie-talkies. In disaster situations, sometimes you can't really use handphones. Kalau earthquake, mesti line smua tak boleh guna, kan? So, kenalah guna walkie-talkies yg range dia like 5 kms ke. Sth like that.

Kenapa kena Alpha One, Base-lah, Alpha Two? :P Bukannya nak main bunyi cool (even though it really sounds cool to have a codename cmtu :P ) tapi sebab walkie-talkies can be heard by everyone, maka you don't really want anyone with an ulterior motive (enemies ke) to know whom to intercept kalau in rescue missions ke (for example), kan?

We learnt how to carry people with or without stretchers or a scooper. Ckin and Sabrina angkat Aen. Sgt mnakutkan. #___# Thank goodness diorg tak patah tgn angkat Aen. :P Best.

We learnt how to do splints, bandages, ikat-ikat kalau patah tangan tu.

12.30 am pun blom hbis lagi. Tapi mata masih segar.
All info has to be retained utk simulation the next day. Rescue mission train crash esok. Siapa jadi victims kena be prepared utk mengorbankan baju dan tudung dan other items of clothing. Dun-dun-dunn. I hoped that I would be one of the transport team. Slept at 2 am.

---

Qiam at 5.00 am. But 5.30 am tak bukak pintu lagi. -_-" Management tempat tu locked the place. Nasib baik sempat at 5.30 am. Jemaah smpai Subuh trus. Tazkirah by Dr Ikram. Dr Radhi headed the Qiam earlier. Best. They reminded us about things important in life. These were words spoken by doctors; people you aspired to be when you grow up. If they managed to stay in tune dengan what's important (agama) what excuses have you got to be short of knowledge in that area, eh? ;)

Game regu lepas tazkirah. :)

Bfast.

Slot 2: Future Landscape of Medical Services in Msia.

Ever wondered who are the 'big people' under the Minister of Health in Msia? Who are the people who thought up the Health Care plans in our country? The ones who look at building plans of IJN before it was given the OK stamp to proceed? The talk gave us a rough idea of the administration of medicine in Msia. Dr Abd Rahim (bukan Abd Rahim Kajai, De :P ) was the speaker.

Important point: Working in the administration of KKM might not be a first-choice if you ask most doctors. Tapi it really is necessary to have a real doctor up there, controlling the ropes. Takkan nak bagi org2 administration from the JPA utk set the regimes of Hep B vaccination ke. Or give them the responsibility of working the preventive and controllable measure of Aedes ke. You need people with knowledge of the life cycle of mosquitoes; the people who understand Hep B's nature. The people who have worked in OT (Operations Theatres) and hospital wards to look at hospital builiding plans.

Is it a necessity to have Drs in administration? Definitely.

---

Slot 3: Medical Crisis: Career VS Family.

Haa. Doraemon punya fevret. :P (Kidding, kmu)
Dr Ariza (O&G surgeon) and Pn Assyikin (successful headmistress, US grad) gave the talk. Both mothers.

Important points:

- There's no such thing as a clear line of what to do when you are a busy doctor and how to manage your family right. No such thing as a manual of what to do when your child is sick and you still have to manage your patients at the same time. You'll learn how to manage them, one step at a time. What's important is the partnership that you have with your spouse. Cooperation is the key.

- Nk smbung blajar after marriage? Marriage doesn't mean hindrance of your aspirations utk specialize or anything of the sort. Dr Ariza said that when she was taking her Masters in O&G, 7 ppl were in her class: 5 married with children, 2 singles. At first they sometimes wished themselves a single, carefree life too; mesti lagi focus blajar; takpayah sebok2 pasal family matters ke. But do you know what happened in the end? The 5 married doctors lulus. The 2 singles didn't. So there's no such thing as marriage being an obstacle to achieving more in your career. Tak senang, tapi tak impossible juga.

-PowerGirls Doctors. Most of us girls tak tahu. Pre-nuptial agreement dgn husbands really can be made. I'll marry you with the condition that I'll get to further my studies. Heh. :DD

- Soalan from audience. Lagi bagus kahwin Dr sma Dr or org lain? Jwpn: It doesn't matter. Again, cooperation is key. If your husband is a doctor and BOTH of you want to further your studies; say: you do yours first, and I'll do mine after you've gotten your Masters. Comel, kan? :DD

-Family is always, always more important that your career. Remember that.

---

Slot 4: Leadership in Medicine by Dr Abd Rashid

Tiba-tiba rasa macam dlm klas Behaviour balik. Again, the important point was that doctors really are seen in the society as natural leaders. Tak kisah kat surau ke, kat politics... that 'D' 'R' in front of your name makes others look up to you. It makes them ask for your advice.

Important point:

Leaders yg berebut-rebut nk jd leaders *cough-mcmNEGARAkita- cough* yg put themselves up for competition by popularity votes, most of the time, they're on their own. But leaders yg dipilih oleh org, yg most of the time hesitant to become leaders bcos they understand the full gravity of what being a leader means...now, iA Allah is with them to help them through their task.

We were reminded that being a leader is a responsibility, not a privilege. I personally think in Msia we've kind of accepted that fact the other way round. ~~I hate Msian politics.~~ :P

---

Slot 5: Student Activism: What's Next.

Dr Aneesa (Dr Abd Rashid's daughter)
Dr Ikha
Dr Jazree

Dublin graduates. Talked about how they started IMAM Chapter Dublin. (International Muslims Association of Malaysia) The various activities they did like Sunat-thon, Missions to Cambodia, Acheh. Interesting.

They said that you don't have to worry about how you're going to manage to do this and do that. Just think about what you want to do with your friends that can help spread the message of Islam, and then start from there. It can just be organizing a simple dinner dgn the locals ke, and before you know it, you've done a little something there already. (Kat sana environment lain kot, dgn Egypt. Dinners are invitations and at the same time chances for the mostly non-muslim locals to sample the generosity of Muslims)

---

Slot 6: Disaster Response Medicine (Simulation)

Haa, the BEST part of the camp.

Train crash. Casualities 15 kot. How to save, how to save?

@Field of disaster

Field Commander contacted by Overall commander.
Assessment team sent ahead to assess the gravity of the situation at hand.
Assessment team reports back to Field Commander.
Triage team, Treatment team and Transport team sent directly after.

Triage: The sorting of patients directly into categories of priorities. Sort of like labelling patients acc to priorities; pakai tags berwarna gantung kat leher patient.

RED: immediate priority. unconscious. vital signs unstable: tachypnea, low b/p, capillary filling more than 2 seconds.

YELLOW: conscious. cannot move (broken femur, for example). vital signs stable. capillary filling less than 2 seconds.

GREEN: conscious, able to move (fractured ulna, for example). vital signs stable.

WHITE/BLACK: dead/unsalvagable.

Save in order: Red, Yellow, Green. Kalau Reds' possibility utk survive the trip tipis, they become White. Triage is a dynamic process.

Treatment team: Help straighten abnormally-positioned joints. Splints. Stop bleeding temporarily. Make victims manageable to survive trip to hospital.

Transport team. Aen dgn De. Angkat2 org, send to hospital. Wo0t. Aen sweated like a pig (ini adalah phrase ye -_-" ), angkat org pkai scooper. De angkat tak pakai pape ponn! Cayalah lu! :DD ahaha.

@Hospital:

1) Registration of patients.
2) Re-triage. Dynamic process, kan? Some cases of red can become white. Some yellows can become red. So kena re-prioritize.

3) Treatment
4) Re-allocation. OTs, ICUs. They had to sort ppl into those that needed to go immdtely to OT. ICU, according to their injuries. Ckin, Oggy part of the hospital team.

Mekti, Mekti? Wah! Mekti jd victim berjaya! ;DD haha, Mekti comel, aktres berjaya. ;) Bangga dgn arm yg patah. :DD

---

Slot 7: Women in Medicine.

Professor HistoPatho of Cyberjaya Medical University gave her talk on the career aspects in the academic field.

She said that some of the plus points of working in the academic field are:

- 9 to 5 working hours, but sometimes you have to stay back to prepare teaching materials... still, not as hectic as say, surgeons for example.

- You get to give a lot of time to your children; ex: attend their school functions, report card day, etc.

- not as stressful as other career options.

-you get to cut short your housemanship service years (klu tak silap)

- dakwah opportunity larger, to your students.

The negative points: tak se-glamour some specialities, like surgeons.

---

Jungle-trekking

Motivational talk by YB Dr Nik Mazian & Closing ceremony

I wish I'd taken more pics. Tapi biasalah. Saya malas. :DD Hehee.

This post is dedicated utk Ktua Rumah, yg nak tahu what we did kat Pangsun in detail. Yokk. Hope you weren't bored reading this entry sbb panjang sgt, babe.

All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed the camp. (Maybe partly sbb tak lasak sgt :P haha~ )
Suka sbb the doctors were all inspirational.
They reminded us that even though we were there to learn more about our future career, tapi we shouldn't ever forget that at the end of the day, it's still a job. Our main work in life, as usual, is for our religion. Agama Allah. Kena berusaha mjadi para da'ie, which not surprisingly, seams well dgn our line of work in medicine.

Aen doakan kita smua beroleh kejayaan dunia akhirat, iA.

"Put akhirat as your priority; insyaAllah the world will come to you"
"Mcm Ben Parker ckp kat Peter Parker dlm Spiderman; with great power comes great responsibility"

---

Di kesempatan ini, Aen nk ckp:

Slmt Mnyambut Ramadhan!

I hope we're all physically, mentally and spiritually prepared for it! Slmt beribadah amigas.

Over n Out,
Slm, Aen.

p/s:

Lupa nk ckp. Aen baru sedar yg Aen kena gigit pacat masa dh sampai rumah! Tak perasan bleeding leg lepas jungle-trekking sbb kena mandi cpat sgt, kot (Closing ceremony). Ingatkan apalah benda hitam yg melekat dekat kaki tu. Rupa-rupanya blood-clot the size of biji tembikai. -_-" Adehh. After that, the bleeding wouldn't stop! Sort of wished I hadn't removed blood clot tu.

Mrs Pacat, sy hrp kamu kenyang, haha.

As a Cloud

2010-08-04T07:27:00.002+08:00

I thought yesterday was the 4th. I thought yesterday was Wednesday.

Then, I found out it was today.

Weird isn't it, how perspectives are like the sky and the earth sometimes. For my friends travelling home today; mesti incredulous mcmana I can make such an important mix up! 4 adalah 4. 3 adalah 3. 24 hours makes a big difference on whether or not they get to board the plane back home hari tsebut, kn?

So mcmana Aen boleh mix up-kn tarikh2 tu? Aish. Kan dh panic utk P***s*n? -_-"

Ehhe. Gomenne, Mak Ayah--- ~_~"

Utk kwn2 @Alex boarding today:
Smoga perjalanan selamat, Aen doakan. :-* Korg pun, jgn lupa doa bnyak2 aite? Doa musafir bgus, kn? :)

---

I know it's hard to believe, tapi every single time Aen balik Msia, Aen takut.

No, bukan takut airplanes or anything of that sort. Cuma takut keadaan Aen kat sini.
Needless to say, Msia's environment is different. Heck, that's what makes me pine for it all the time I was in Alex, bukan? If there wasn't any difference, would I have missed it that much? Tak, kot.
Agreed.

Tapi, along with the pleasant things (family + home) comes baggage kot. The bad sort.
Ample time on your hands. Tempations tempations temptations everywhere you go. Ba-a-a-a-a-a-d sticky webs to tangle yourself in, yo. (-_-)V

These past few days, I think I sort of lost myself for a while: Sophie Kinsella. The Sims. Secret Recipe. TV. E! channel... the list is endless.

I'm glad I got bored of Sophie Kinsella's chicklit and flipped through the final pages to know the disappointing and idiotic (as expected) ending. (Without even making through half the book, mind you. It was too much a drag; honest! ) I'm glad I've officially gotten bored of 'The Sims 3' after hours trying to be enthusiastic about playing the game; (telling myself: this is Sims, Aen! Sims! Your faaavourite game! -_-" ). I'm glad I made it through today without watching E! juga. -_-"

I felt like a zombie, everyday. Still do, a teeny wee bit, actually. But that's about to change, ne?
How many days has it been? About 3, kot~ baru. Itu pon I'm already bored. No, scratch that; TIRED of living through the same cycle kot, everyday.

Aen dh bosan-n-n-n.

Sy perlu menjadi produktif.

---

In 'The Sims 3' they actually mentioned about Manslow's Hierarchy (Behaviour, remmbr?).
I guess when you really think about it, it kind of makes sense for the creators to base the game on that, don't you think? A game that 'SIMulates' real life. Therefore, it has to play by Life's rules, bukan? Life's indicators of highs and lows. Fulfill a basic need first, then move on to bigger things.

Kalau hubungan dengan Allah falter, do you really think you can move on to other needs? Tend to other businesses? Jgn harap, kot.

There's a marked drop in the cleanliness of this heart, recently. It needs cleaning. Tough, tough cleaning.

Berusaha, Aen.

---

I hope my friends travelling today smpai dgn selamat, iA. :D

Juga, klu diizinkan, dgn cepat + ikut plan ;)

Without a doubt, Aen tau families korg sgt2 tak sabar nk jmpa korg jugak! :)

So sabar siki-i-i-t je lagi orait? ;)

Travel safe, amigas.

Also, Slmt Homecoming korg.

xoxox from Cengal52, Aen Pozi.

p/s:

Those pictures; flight Kuwait to KL .

It was like the plane was a big ship, sailing in waters of white and blue. Sometimes the waters were calm, unperturbed; other times they were like angry bubbles of boiling water that rose to break the surface. Whichever way the clouds were presented to us; they were really really beautiful. Subhanallah.

Siapa dpt seat A (tepi tingkap) utk flight esok, trylah tengok. Cantik :)

---

30:8. Dan mengapa mereka tidak memikirkan tentang (kejadian) diri mereka?, Allah tidak menjadikan langit dan bumi dan apa yang ada di antara keduanya melainkan dengan (tujuan) yang benar dan waktu yang ditentukan. Dan sesungguhnya kebanyakan di antara manusia benar-benar ingkar akan pertemuan dengan Tuhannya.

30:48. Allah, Dialah yang mengirim angin, lalu angin itu menggerakkan awan dan Allah membentangkannya di langit menurut yang dikehendaki-Nya, dan menjadikannya bergumpal-gumpal; lalu kamu lihat hujan ke luar dari celah-celahnya, maka apabila hujan itu turun mengenai hamba-hamba-Nya yang dikehendaki-Nya tiba-tiba mereka menjadi gembira.

---

50:6. Maka apakah mereka tidak melihat akan langit yang ada di atas mereka, bagaimana Kami meninggikannya dan menghiasinya dan langit itu tidak mempunyai retak-retak sedikit pun?

:: Langit tanpa tiang. ::

Hari Ini dan Esok :')

2010-07-29T00:41:00.001+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

There's not much to say, except that I'm really glad today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow.

Why is today special?

1) Sebab dpt naik tram lama-lama. On days like this I appreciate the tram kot; it gives you an opportunity to be by yourself (*cough* Nena and Mekti would say Aen tgh layan blues* :DD ) and watch the world as it passes you by. Always, you can sample a lot of things that make you think; whether by scenes that you witness, things you hear...bnyak. Sgt2 best. The only thing that wasn't fun today was how Aen tersangat ngantuk, and because slipping in and out of sleep isn't really nice dan memeningkan kepala... I couldn't wait to get to Camp Chezar station for home. But, I'm glad before balik Msia Aen sempat naik tram lama-lama. Best. :)

2) Ada date-o. Dgn Nurul-o. :-* Juga housemates-o. Aen lapar! Nak makannn! ;)

---

Why is tomorrow special?

Haa.

:) *snyum lebar ke telinga*

Sebab ini.

:-* Doakan safe travel, amigas. <3

Harap (iA) the next post will be from Cengal52 ~ ;)

Tonight sya perlu berusaha utk bags and esok, yosh! Ganbatte AainFauzi!
Off for now, amigas :)

ByeBye. :-*
xoxox, Aen {3rd yr} @Alex.

36 hours

2010-07-28T03:53:00.001+08:00

Slm :)

Harini! Bangun2 dpt hadiah. :-* Arigatou ne? <3 Kwn Aen. Aen syg kwn Aen yg sorg ni sgt2. :") Slalu bg Aen support. Mmuah! =)

Guess brapa lama Aain kat Carrefour? Mbuahahahahahaha. 11.30 am - 4.30 pm. 5 hours, mind you. Tawaf 3 kali. Makcik yg jaga pintu dekat dgan ATM tengok Aen dtg balik tmpt sama 2 kali. TuT
Tp Aen puas :) Dh cri smua benda yg nak cari kat situ. Alhamdulillah. ;)

Esok 2 mission lagi perlu di-khalas-kan. Smoga bjaya AenPozi! Yosh! :D

Minna! Satu perkara membahayakan! Jgn masuk teksi dan tido. Especially when you're alone. Kalau Pakcik tu berniat jahat (nauzubillah) mcmana? >:| *elleh. diri sdr suka lentok2 mcm cervical vertebrae tak wujud. kunOns nk ingatkan org lah ye? :P * Taak. Kalau boleh, elakkan-lah. Makan gula2 ke. Chewing gum ke. Walaupun letih, kena bukak mata ok? * ehe. td pun dgr ad org terbuat bnda sama mcm aen. amigas! jom: jgn buat lg! ;) * tp otw balik frm el-nouzha pun minda buat mcm sparuh di alam nyata dan sparuh hilang lg -_-" adoi.*

Tadi 2 housemates Aen dh naik flight ke Msia. Sorg ke KKB (Kuala Kubu Baru); sorg lagi ke Kelantan. Dua-dua Aen pray-kn safe travel, bi iznillah :-* Berharap juga, boleh jumpa 6hb nnti ye? :) hehe, iA~

Rumah sunyi. Beta and Aen je. Ckin otw dh kot, from Cairo.

All my friends everywhere; anywhere kat atas permukaan bumi skrg ni (wah, rasa diri kerdil O_O )... Take care aight?

Off for now,
Aen :)

p/s: At the end of the day pun dpt hadiah jugak. I tellS yeh: Aen tak deserve my friends. They're too good for me. :') Domo arigatou! :-* Mmuah mmuah!

family by choice :)

2010-07-26T08:06:00.000+08:00

Friends are relatives you make for yourself. ~Eustache Deschamps

dalamhatiadataman, have a safe flight back home; both international and domestic ;)

nenakLose~, this heart hopes to see you again in 2 months' time, bi iznillah. ;)

eh kamu.

that hypothesis;

abt whether or not there's a difference,

in 'not being @rmhbawah but still around' as opposed to 'not being @rmhbawah but NOT close by'...

there's a difference, lah syg

definitely :')

You're sorely missed.

:-*

until next time, kmu

iA ;)

---

'and then, there were five...'

---

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. ~C.S. Lewis

You can stay alive without friends. But you can't say you've truly lived your life without them.

Arigatou, amigas.

Always.

-Out, Aen :)

Suppression

2010-07-24T18:06:00.000+08:00

Psychology says it's the ability to consciously delay tending to an emotion, because the present reality is in more urgent need of your attention. But, that doesn't mean completely forgetting that conflict that has to be resolved. The emotion and need is still there, available for access and acceptance later on; for manipulation; change; better evaluation for when time is in your hands.

So, honest. Aen tak lupa or berniat melupakan dgn sengaja. Tak pernah terlintas dlm hati yg sedar dirinya tak sempurna ini.

Reaction time; subjected to 4 factors. One of them 'speed-accuracy trade off': when there is increase in speed, there is more liability for error. When you try to aim for accuracy, you miss the time-limit lah pulak. But all I want are for the words to be grounded; fair; devoid of bias towards my egoistical, self-centered feelings that usually drip from sentences constructed prematurely and judgement formed in the split of a second without much thought; in haste.

Jadi, maybe the next step takes a little more time than it's supposed to. Tapi I'll take that next step, iA. Janji. Nobody likes a cliffy. Most of all me.

Confrontations are messy when I haven't gotten proper control of myself. My voice trembles, my hands shake, my lips quiver, and before you know it angry tears will start flooding. Then the hiccups will come, and all I'll be able to do is present myself as a big baby who clearly isn't in a condition for reconciliation or any form of conversation for that matter; regardless of how hard I try to be mature and grown-up about the whole affair.

Sebab tu kot, it's better delayed.

My mind isn't as clear about a lot of things as most people. Emotions cloud it too much; wild streaks of red, orange, yellow against the dark background that in actuality is supposed to be the focus; the centre of attention. Contrast plays a factor in perceptual selectivity, bukan? Too much of that colour was making the background downright non-existent kot, to compare and contrast. Needed time to clear them up.

Time kot, gives me a chance to take another look at things; one that's less biased, less about ME ME ME ME ME and more about the other person in the picture.

Jadi gomenn sbb lambat. Tapi Aen nak make sure selamat sahaja. Honest.

There's a lot of stupid, useless, 'baka'-worthy, junk in this rotting heart.
Tapi tak pernah wish ill towards anyone, most of all my friends.

To hurt ppl intentionally, with words ke actions, Aen elak. Maybe kalau tak sengaja, mungkin. Sbb immature way of handling emotions. Passive aggression. Gomenn.

The general rule of the thumb of ppl yg hyper-sensitive mcm Aen ni, is that we assume ourselves not possible to hurt others, because we kind of exaggerate every single tiny thing and know what hurt feels kot. Tp the thing that hypersensitive ppl forget, is that when they're too busy kononnya nursing their wounds (that they've willingly incurred on themselves) the way in which they go about tending to their hurt is at the same time hurtful and hateful juga to other ppl. Oleh itu, gomenn.

Trust issues, mmg Aen ada. Doraemon says I act as if a lot of ppl have disappointed me in my life. Padahal in reality, mungkin tak pernah kot. Again always, I forget to say my thanks to Allah for all the blessings in my life; in particular the people around me that make up my small world.

I won't leave things hanging, tak mungkin (iA).

;) Honest.

---

I know Ayah (when he gets back from Bandung and reads this lah) will wonder apa-lah yg Angah buat kat sana lagi tu. Tak habis-habis emo memanjang. :D Bukan dah habis exam dah ke?

Hehe, Ayah. Tak-lah. Proses mendewasakan diri. ;) Anak Ayah dah 20 tahun, okayh :) Tak main arrh, cam budak budak agi. :P

Haa, xpecaya? Here's an added bonus of rock + 'sy budak besar' attitude for emphasis ---> Dowh. Bapak arrh, Weyh.

Mbahahahaha. :DDD
Hormonal imbalance, I swear. :)

---

"Angah slalu ingat Angah faham smua benda; Angah sorang je tau smua benda. Tapi Angah ingat org lain apa? Tak tahu apa-apa?"

-Out.

p/s: Slmt Merdeka, amigas. Jgn lupa Tuhan. :)

End

2010-07-22T22:58:00.000+08:00

Harini PBL!

Behaviour last paper, on Saturday insyaAllah.

Ticket balik sini dah confirmed, Alhamdulillah. This heart is hoping and praying really hard, that no more changes will have to be made. Aen hope all of us boleh naik tahun, iA. Juga hope smua boleh beraya di Msia bersama family terchenta :) Pray hard smua! ;)

---

Aen baru tahu kot, that China pun ada oil spill. Woah. Tak cukup dgn BP's spill dekat Gulf of Mexico, two pipelines dkat China pun meletup jugak.

No deaths or injuries have been reported, and the cleaning crew has been around the clock cleaning up the mess. Baguslah kot, macam tu. They (China) are optimistic by Friday they'll have it cleaned up. But others say it'll take months instead.

I don't give a hoot about BP's image after the spill. Or China ke. >:(

Do you know who I'm worried for, the most?

These darlings:

How many species are we planning to add to the endangered list, eh?

T_T

Click to read more on the damage of BP's oil spill >>>

---

You know, before I seriously thought about my future, one of the things I listed out was to be an animal rescuer/ environmentalist/ researcher. Back in the days lahh, when I didn't really consider the possibility of having to provide for my family or anything grown-uppish mcm tu.

I liked those days; they kind of made your heart flutter all the time, make you feel 'hey, I've got a reason to fight for' kind of feeling. Those were the days when Captain Planet was cool, Powerpuff Girls were awesome, and Akazukin Cha Cha and her magic compact powder (or was it ring? or magic staff? idk. lupa!) ruled my sphere.

Going further back; I missed days when lazy, hot Sunday afternoons were spent riding bicycles in turns with your sisters while waiting for dusk to come so that you'd all be fresh after the night's shower. When baking with Baby Johnson's powder were fun, pretending them to be real cookies (and I think I accidentally ate one, too) and fighting over who gets to be the waitress/teacher/ whatever job we were infatuated with at that time.

I miss my old hand-me-down pyjamas that had a cat's face on it. Blue in colour; frilled sleeves. Cool, breezy. Comfy.

I miss that old swing we used to have at the back of the house; only a two-seater, and we'd (again) quarrel over who'd get to sit on it.

It's strange that years after, most of what I can recall are feelings. Good ones, bad ones.

How would I recall my time now, say in another 10 years to come?

Provided of course, if I do live that long, lah.

---

Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue. ~Andre Gide

Good Luck Behaviour!

Last leg of the race!

Last one, last one, before home home home.

Home.

Ganbatte, and All the Best always.

<3,

Aen.

---

[Sahih International]

The Approaching Day has approached.

{Tafsir al-Jalalayn}

The Impending [Hour] is imminent: the Resurrection is near at hand.

[Sahih International]

Of it, [from those] besides Allah , there is no remover.

{Tafsir al-Jalalayn}

None, [no] soul, besides God can disclose it, that is to say, only He can disclose it and manifest it, as where He says: He alone shall reveal it, at its proper time [Q. 7:187].

[Sahih International]

Then at this statement do you wonder?

{Tafsir al-Jalalayn}

Do you then marvel, in denial, at this discourse, the Qur’ān,

[Sahih International]

And you laugh and do not weep

{Tafsir al-Jalalayn}

and laugh, mockingly, and not weep, when you hear its Promise and Threat,

[Sahih International]

While you are proudly sporting?

{Tafsir al-Jalalayn}

while you remain oblivious?, unmindful and heedless of what is required of you.

[Sahih International]

So prostrate to Allah and worship [Him].

{Tafsir al-Jalalayn}

So prostrate to God, Who created you, and worship Him!, and do not prostrate to idols, nor worship them.

---Surah An-Najm (The Star)

Surreal

2010-07-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh :)

Tadi Patho!
The last of the heavyweights, kot.

Lepas ni PBL and Behaviour, the final 2 before I can finally say 'done' here in Alex.

Tapi, walaupun tak secara official-nya termasuk dlm list heavyweights Aen, it doesn't mean they're easy to score juga. PBL challenges you to pick the important points out of the block, and to (~ehe) try to recall and give a moment's thought (sth I know I wouldn't be doing very seriously kalau takde PBL exam) to the past lessons of Skills yg kita dh amik in the block.

It's kind of weird isn't it? Subject yg mana kita ditunjuk cara-cara utk apply the knowledge learnt tu-lahh, yg most neglected kot. Aen lah. Tak tahulah org lain camana. :)

I think kot, without a doubt I'll ruefully cling on to whatever memory I had of any Skills class tak kisahlah block apa before masuk next term. :( Takuuut.

Ooh, ooh! Perasan tak, right now you're supposed to know everything dah? As in theoretical part-lahh. Wahh. -_-"

Tapi kenapa kan Aen rasa, honest to goodness: kepala Aen, sgt2 tak berpengetahuan langsung?

Haih. Itulah. Belajar utk exam, siapa suruh?

---

"My name is Salmon, like the fish. First name: Susie."

I don't think I was prepared for what the movie had in store for me. I knew that it wasn't anything funny or witty; but I didn't know that it was filed under horror/thriller too.

Goodness, Aen kan. Kalau tengok cerita yg takut/ suspense, mmg tak boleh duduk diam.
Tu tadi tu, dah kena 'pelik' dgn 2 orang housemates. *ouch* Maaf ye, mengganggu ketenteraman awam. :'(

"OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod!" ~Tidak berniat blasphemy langsung ye. :( Honest.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
"Eeeeeek!~"
"Jgnlah buat mcm tu! RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!"

-_-"

Ehe.

Maka dgn itu, Aen menyusun 10 jari ye, membuat bising yg amat tadi, kwn2. Bukan berniat nak mencapub, cuma, ~ter. :|

---

Anyway, nak tahu what the movie is about? *promoter* ^U^

It's based on a book actually, written by Alice Sebold. An instant bestseller, it stayed in that comfortable spot for more than a year. Peter Jackson (Yes, the man who gave us The Lord of The Rings :D ) bought the rights to the movie and (mcm besa) dgn Philippa Buoyant (kot. rsanyalah nama dia, hehe) wrote out the filmplay.

"I remember being really small; too small to see over the edge of a table. There was a snow globe, and I remember the penguin who lived inside the globe. He was all alone in there, and I worried for him."

The story centres around the suspenseful events that lead up to Susie's murder and the string of heart-rending reactions that follow after. It's told in a first person narrative, from Susie's point of view from 'heaven'.

One of the things that really touched me deep was seeing how the family coped with the loss of Susie. The father in particular (Mark Wahlberg ;) w00t, w00t albeit the 60's haircut :P ) was portrayed as being hit the hardest by the loss of his first child. How he clings on at first to the hope that Susie was somehow still alive...

"I mean, it's preferable, right?"

T-T Sgt2 lah buat Aen mcam nak nangis ('macam' tak kata nangis. :P )

Tapi a lot of moments kot, where I got goosebumps and 'whoosh' pnya feelings watching the movie. Hehe. Which translates roughly in my body's language as 'best' lah. :) Hehe.

Example of another 'whoosh' moment:

"There was one thing my murderer didn't understand; he didn't understand how much a father could love his child."

:') Mark Wahlberg made me want to cry bnyk kali kot. Gahh~ T_T

Anyhoot, emotions aside (cehh, rsa mcm dewasa berkata2 begitu :P ) there were really a few things I kind of disliked about the story; especially as regards the idea of 'heaven' where Susie narrates from. It just seemed very much like what Narnia boasted in it's stories; an infinite land of beautiful landscape, endless fun and games, indistinguishable places stashed together in one place without being completely one thing or the other. Quicksilver in it's character; moody. Haih, pelik ben0r org2 ini berfikir ye? Bersyukur saya seorang Muslim :)

"My murderer was a man from our neighborhood. I took his photo once; he stepped out of nowhere and ruined the shot. He ruined a lot of things."

Also, if you've ever wondered to which extent a person can go when it comes to obsessions, and dangerously psychotic ideas... this movie kind of gives you that idea, kot.

Those people really are out there 0_0 dun-dunn-dunnn *O* omaigosh!--- :DD

Ooh, ooh~ and another favourite part was Susan Sarandon's portrayal of Grandma Lynn. ROFL moment, no doubt :))

Buckley Salmon: Are we still a family?
Grandma Lynn: Of course we're a family. Your mother's in crisis, your father's a wreck.
Lindsey Salmon: What does that make you?
Grandma Lynn: I'm in charge.

Now, siapa nak sedut movie tu? ;) Kalau nak, Aen ada! :)

Tak bosan, honest. ;)

---

PBL, 22nd July. Second last paper. Ganbatte! ;)

All the best,
<3 Aen.

18th July

2010-07-18T01:16:00.005+08:00

The first person I came crying to for a scraped knee or an allergic reaction that needed tending to.

The person who ingrained in me that Medic gives it's practitioners benefits both di dunia and akhirat (iA).

The person Mak and all us girls depend on to be strong always.

I couldn't possibly ask for a better Father, tu Aen tahu. :)

Thank you for everything.

Happy Birthday Ayah.

Luv, Aen@Alex.

---

The father who would taste the essence of his fatherhood must turn back from the plane of his experience, take with him the fruits of his journey and begin again beside his child, marching step by step over the same old road. ~Angelo Patri

Thank you, for being with your girls every step of the way no matter what.
:)

Heart, Hard.

2010-07-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

I was in the OR, nothing save my colleagues would know that it was me; face mask, gloves, the blue gown surgeons wear that we're familiar with from TV -the complete set.

The head surgeon hastened me, "Quick, ligate that artery!"

I did as I was told, and the next thing I knew, that beating, intrinsically contracting heart was handed to me.

I panicked; I didn't know what to do.

1, 2...5 seconds passed, as I just looked at the bloody organ in my hand, and didn't do anything.

"Aain?!" my soft-spoken colleague asked me, a hint of panic in her voice.

"What are you waiting for?!" my mentor demanded, his voice hard and loud.

I looked at them both, eyes wide with horror, and shook my head quickly, my voice already failing me.

Before I knew it, the heart was quickly snatched away from my hand, and I was knocked aside. I fell to the ground; mask askew, gown undone; beaten.

"There's nothing wrong with it!" my colleague said, anger and annoyance in her tone. Her hands worked fast, restoring the organ back in it's place.

"You've just deluded yourself with thinking there's something wrong with it... Just leave things to people who know better, why don't you?" she said, giving me a look that pierced me deep.

All I could do was look at the cold, grey floor of the operation theatre; taking in quick, sharp breaths.

Failure.

---

CLICK for article on Heart Transplant >>>

---

Tiada kaitan, and goodness knows how much Aen merepek kat atas tu. Analogues as usual, filled to the brim. ;)

I'm just kind of tired of things kat sini, kot.
Honest, no joke.

I told you, one day :) the next day :'( , bukan?

Don't get attached to anything or anyone too much. Susah.
There is nothing like constancy in this world. (pessimist -_-" )

Glomerulonephritis, I'd like to have you for dinner today. :)

Good Luck Patho!

13 days until KLIA >> Bdr Tun Hussein Onn >> Cengal52.
Babies Butter and Thumper are also waiting. Tunggu Aen, babies.

Alex, I might miss you sometime in the next month or so. But now, gosh. Aen tak sabar nak tinggalkan kamu.

Ganbatte~
Slm, Aen.

p/s:

Is being polite similar to being a fake? It's just a precaution to avoid hurting ppl unnecessarily, kot. Honest. An alternative, for wallpapers and background furnitures like me who can't make a joke, an interesting conversation or laugh sth off quite as easily as others. Tak tipu.

Sweet-talker? Made in China?
Tongues can wag; tp as long as my hands are clean drp accidentally hurting org lain, Aen tak kisah sgt kot if I'm given labels.

Allah is the best judge of everything, bukan? Hati ini transparent utkNya. Even though it's not likewise for others or even myself, at times. Kamu dan saya insignificant. Kita smua insignificant. Therefore, as regards judgement; both yours and mine juga insignificant. Remember that.

Juga. Sy tak suka Green Monsters yg suka compare-compare. Nikmat Allah terhadap kamu yg mana yg kamu lupakan?

Berlari,

-Out.

Butter & Thumper

2010-07-15T19:01:00.000+08:00

Slm wbktuh.

Tumm, tada dumm!~

Butter!

Thumper!

Boleh, boleh?

---

LOL. Ikut korg kat rumahlah. Aain bagi nama ikut rasa. Rasa best Aen bagilah nama tu.

Ikut budak kcik jugak kan?

Klu dia nk, dia ikut, klu tak, jadilah Cutey ke, Shmootey ke. ;)

Hahaha.

:))

Hadiah Birthday, Aen boleh bagi nama 2 bunny rabbits!

:-*

Siapa tak sabar nak balik?!

Aain!

w00t,w00t!

iA~

;)

Luv always, Aen@Alex.

20

2010-07-13T15:50:00.000+08:00

Slm wbkth~

Kpd orang yg sweet, yg dedicate-kn vid ni utk aen <3 from the bottom of my heart, thank you sgt2. Ukhuwah fillah~ :)

Kpd kanak2 tabika 5 orang ni, arigatou sgt2. :') 3 years together; here's to another 3 ye, iA :-*

Mereka sgt4 ROK. Sy syg mereka. <3

Wishes, renditions of the song by different voices. :'') terharu sgt2.

*sigh* :') Aen syg smua kwn2 Aen.

Every single wish made my day today. Even yesterday, earliest cengal52 =) ! hihihii~

Here's to hoping that I'll make good use of my age, ye? :D ~iA

Doakan kjayaan bsama, dunia akhirat <3

Arigatou, family + friends. Terharuuuu~ :') Aen syg smua smua smua, sgt2. =)

Gluck Pharma! Ganbatte~ Luv, Aen.

13/7/2010

Habit

2010-07-12T18:32:00.000+08:00

Every grown-up man consists wholly of habits, although he is often unaware of it and even denies having any habits at all. ~Georges Gurdjieff

---

Posting a list of good wishes, yayy! :

Good Luck Pharma! Ganbatte2x, amigas!

Congratulations, utk Kakak2 & Abang2 yg bakal memasuki alam perkahwinan summer ini. :)

( *cough* batch kita bila, batch kita? *cough* cpatlah, batch kita? rmai calon pasangan kot! :DD lol )

Congratulations Germany 3rd place, 3-2! :-*

Congratulations Spain No. 1 :)

(*cough*snicker*cough*tersedak* --- haha. tke note that mnang world cup pon, i'm still elated by germany's win lagi, ye. :PP sokong dr jauh ponn, still sokong, yeah! )

---

p/s:

losing faith in marriage.

smlm. sdg menonton cerita 'Ketika Cinta Bertasbih' (omg, aen! omg! -__-" crita tu tak poyolahh, albeit tajuk dia. :P ) pastu someone knocked and came in, and brought a string of discussions and talks about things berkenaan my 2nd wish kat atas tu.

aen admit, these times,

when divorce rates are sky-high,

when couples are like mushrooms after the rain,

and break-ups that follow more frequent than the number of times aen kemas bilik :P ,

siapa yg have faith or trust in love anymore kot?

'eclipse' kata, it's agreement on paper, ye? (i wouldn't know, i don't like the saga :PP kill me.)

even though i'm kind of resigned to the idea that i'll be that RICH tp COOL (ahaa~ :P ) old lady with the 3 cats, and a cluster of nephews and nieces around me, panggil 'MakNgah, MakNgah';

marriage kot, and love; as always, if based on grounded things + aims (nk mmbina institut kluarga yg contribute to the ummah, for exmple) ... lillahi taala~

well, aen rasa it doesn't really seem like something yg we should lose faith and hope in it kot.

tp again, if based on grounded things ye; the depth of feelings involved here, well, aen rsa subjective kot.

everyone wants to fall deeply and madly in love ( :P heyhey bukan ayt aen. ayat skema movies ye :P ) but come on, feelings semata-mata? they change, babe. kan org kata, love can easily turn to hate, and vice versa? (call me pessimistic :P )

but if you build that partnership into something that aims to achieve more than just a union of 2 hearts (ni dh akad pun dh kira united kan? ke belum pun dh kira united jugak? :PP ); aims like raising children that lives utk menegakkan, menyumbang kpd agama Allah in this world, well~ it takes a longer times to work on, needs more effort, brings that partnership to a whole new level bukan? one that (hopefully) doesn't dissipate as easily as if it were based on quicksilver feelings smata2, bukan? :)

just a thought :)

hrap2 everything from you, from me, from all of us, diniatkan krn Allah, always always.

---

I learned the real meaning of love. Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades. You can depend so much on certain people, you can set your watch by them. And that's love, even if it doesn't seem very exciting. ~Sylvester Stallone

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. ~Bruce Lee

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. ~Peter Ustinov

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. ~Author Unknown <--- pling comel. hahaha :DD

---

like i said, i'm already resigned to my dream of owning a private library, with 3 cats and a dozen of nephews and nieces to dote on, ye. this post isn't a post utk mengatakan bhwa sy sudah mahu berkahwin. -__-"V sy masih kanak-kanak tabika :DD --- out, aen.

GLUCK PHARMA!

Terapung

2010-07-11T19:23:00.000+08:00

Three years have gone by,
You'd think things would change, wouldn't you?

Biochem is still Biochem.
Aain pun, still Aain.

---

Flip kertas, check jam. Flip kertas, check jam. Flip kertas, bulatkan mata in horror, check jam.
Drumming fingers slightly, check jam.
Bite your lip, furrow your eyebrows, check jam. Check jam. Check jam.

Sharp intake of breath, check jam. Scribble.
Feel your airways constrict, check jam.

Sinking feeling in your chest, check jam.
Swallow invisible bolus of air, check jam. Scribble.

Breathe deeply, check jam.

Hyperventilate slightly, check jam.

Time's up.
Forget to breath completely.

---

Saya perlu. Perlu perlu perlu. Belajar erti bahagia sebenar.
This heart is still too, too superficial.

Can you sigh deeply, and with that one final 'huuhhhhh', be able to shrug it all off?
Immature, I know.

'Alright' is a word I know will be here (iA) by the time night falls.
In the meantime, saya sdg berusaha! >_<

Mmuah family. Mmuah amigas.

Kalau tak best juga, doa doa doa :)

-Out.

Watch the vid. Best :)

Compensate

2010-07-08T10:10:00.000+08:00

Wah, I'm on a blogging frenzy, bukan? 3 posts in 2 days!

Nope, I haven't had coffee since 5 hours ago. So no... caffeine shouldn't take the blame.
Tiada jiwakacau juga, alhamdulillah. :)

It's just that Aen nak tulis panjang panjang, sebab panjang panjang tulah yg best. (Utk Aen lah best, sbb tulis. Utk org lain yg baca, kalau ada; haha~ at your own risk, darlings. Nasihat: don't proceed, ne? ;) )

---

I've thought about a lot of things. And then I realize, that dulu, my whole life kot; is kind of like performance art.

I fashion myself to be a rope-walker, sometimes. My heart beats loudly, hammering against my chest every time I'm straining my ears against the crowd's noise, trying to hear my cue to perform in front of the crowd. I want to wring my hands, cover my ears and scream as loud as I can to unravel the coil of tension at the bottom of my stomach. But to keep the audience calm, I have no choice but to maintain a composed profile, one that wouldn't lessen their anticipation and excitement for the performance. The time that ticks away by the seconds, even those would count if I'd made them count, bukan? A smarter person would have at least asked for a safety net to be set up below them before performing, if they weren't sure themselves of their capabilities, bukan? But what do I do? Keep a straight face, and climb the 20 steps of ladder that leads me to the rope, stretched out before me like a long serpent, all while my heart beats to rival that of a hummingbird's, with palms sweaty and mouth dry. Every time I take that first step, all I do is depend on Allah 100%, and hope that for the life of me, I don't fall.

One time, I might have deluded myself to be a prima donna. I'd take hours to put on my make-up, shade my eyelids carefully, curled my eyelashes, powder my face. Then, when I was done, I'd click my tongue in distaste, and start from square one again. Why I'd cared then, about how I'd look more than how my song would sound in the opera; I don't know. Trust me, all those times I'd stop and re-do my make-up and clothes, I'm constantly waiting for someone to walk out from the dark and say "Have you had enough? Have you?" to help me out from whatever mental state I was in at that moment. When you look at yourself in the mirror, after all that heavy make-up and dressing... Well, you'd never recognize yourself if you didn't know who you are. The question was, did I really know who I was back then? I don't think so. I don't think I even knew who I was, kot. Honest.

---

I used to think that when you run, you should never look back. Things from the past would always entice you to return to that old spot or that old habit you used depend on so heavily.

But sometimes, remembering how much you've grown or how much you've tried to change for the better, really gives you the push to go further. It kind of says to you "Hey, you made it this far since that. Surely you can go all out to reach the next stage, bukan?"

Allah has definitely been merciful to me. Sgt2.

Guide me, guide me... along the straight path always.

1:5. Hanya kepada Engkaulah kami menyembah dan hanya kepada Engkaulah kami mohon pertolongan

1:6. Tunjukilah kami jalan yang lurus,

1:7. (yaitu) jalan orang-orang yang telah Engkau anugerahkan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan (jalan) mereka yang dimurkai dan bukan (pula jalan) mereka yang sesat.

(18:57) Dan siapakah yang lebih lalim daripada orang yang telah diperingatkan dengan ayat-ayat dari Tuhannya lalu dia berpaling daripadanya dan melupakan apa yang telah dikerjakan oleh kedua tangannya? Sesungguhnya Kami telah meletakkan tutupan di atas hati mereka, (sehingga mereka tidak) memahaminya, dan (Kami letakkan pula) sumbatan di telinga mereka; dan kendati pun kamu menyeru mereka kepada petunjuk, niscaya mereka tidak akan mendapat petunjuk selama-lamanya,

(7:178) Barang siapa yang diberi petunjuk oleh Allah, maka dialah yang mendapat petunjuk; dan barang siapa yang disesatkan Allah, maka merekalah orang-orang yang merugi.

(7:186) Barang siapa yang Allah sesatkan, maka baginya tak ada orang yang akan memberi petunjuk. Dan Allah membiarkan mereka terombang-ambing dalam kesesatan.

---

Susah utk jaga hati, bukan? Tapi Aen, kamu kena cuba. Mesti.

Ganbatte, ganbatte.

Good luck next paper, BIOCHEM!
Ber-oo, sa-ha. ;)

Rbbuna yusahhil, TC, Aen.